supposed to
Posted: Sun, Nov 26, 2017 12:57:40 PM
go to meetings and practice our program as best i can. interesting bit that i can pull out of context this morning, to justify and rationalize what i have been feeling lately. the term **practice** when coupled with **supposed to** seems to set-up an extreme loophole for this addict to dive through. i am not very good with either terms, and i use them to my advantage whenever i feel like do something that is off my spiritual path. i am not good about doing what i am supposed to do, but am fairly good at doing the next right thing. it is certainly true that all the responsibilities i have today, is because of a program of recovery and my implementation of those principles in my day to day life.
the go to meetings thing, is what is tripping me up right now. it feels like a chore to make the three meetings a week that i have determined i NEED to attend to stay relatively grounded and in contact with my peers. two of them are no-brainers, as i always get what i seem to need, the third one, which has been floating around since the middle of the summer, not so much. on that i attended for years, has changed with the addition of a couple “druggie buggies,” and the local alternative is far too strict for my taste. so bopping from here to there or just pounding in three meetings in three days, seems to be how i am doing things, these days. i seems to be working, sort of, and yet, there is a part of me that wonders if i am “supposed to” return to the meeting i abandoned this summer. that came up in my quiet time this morning, and i instantly rebelled and dismissed that notion, with extreme prejudice. now, as i sit her, home form my weekend away and in a more relaxed state, i wonder if i really am “feeling” the next right thing to do.
more will certainly be revealed and i am quite sure that this too shall pass, if i let go, take care of what is on my plate and walk through the rest of my day. so with that in mind GO BRONCOS, let's win one in the black hole.
the go to meetings thing, is what is tripping me up right now. it feels like a chore to make the three meetings a week that i have determined i NEED to attend to stay relatively grounded and in contact with my peers. two of them are no-brainers, as i always get what i seem to need, the third one, which has been floating around since the middle of the summer, not so much. on that i attended for years, has changed with the addition of a couple “druggie buggies,” and the local alternative is far too strict for my taste. so bopping from here to there or just pounding in three meetings in three days, seems to be how i am doing things, these days. i seems to be working, sort of, and yet, there is a part of me that wonders if i am “supposed to” return to the meeting i abandoned this summer. that came up in my quiet time this morning, and i instantly rebelled and dismissed that notion, with extreme prejudice. now, as i sit her, home form my weekend away and in a more relaxed state, i wonder if i really am “feeling” the next right thing to do.
more will certainly be revealed and i am quite sure that this too shall pass, if i let go, take care of what is on my plate and walk through the rest of my day. so with that in mind GO BRONCOS, let's win one in the black hole.
∞ DT ∞