Blog entry for:

no matter what the responsibility happens to be, there is joy to be found in each of the responsibilities that comprise my life. when i woke up and started to do the bit of work that i had planned to do, imagine my surprise when i discovered e-mails from three clients requesting my services. of course, only one of them has the stones to actually suggest i work on their project today, and as they have yet to pay me for my work over the past ten days, their suggestions will be falling on deaf ears. no today, i have several responsibilities and all of them will advance my agenda for the day. i need to run, i need cook my cauliflower gratin dish, i need to sit still and get a haircut, i need to be present for my family, i need to be present for the family of my significant other, i need to run to see if i can get some espresso and on and on. oh i forgot, i need to work about another thirty minutes on a project i can not do on a work day.
i could look at all of those as burdens, weighing me down and creating a gloomy day in my tiny world. On those days when i am less spiritually fit, that is where i go -- dark and gloomy and then i sulk. quite an attractive picture n’est-ce pas?
that is where reading like this come in. it is true that i had responsibilities when i was using, although the fog of using took that burden off my mind and if i ignored them long enough, most of them went away. as each responsibility left my life, i gained a greater freedom to use, a nice tight self-reinforcing cycle that had me going down. this morning, as i look over the responsibilities i have for today, i see that they are nearly all gifts of recovery. i have a career that i love, because my lost dream of finishing a college degree came true, because i came to recovery and worked some steps and got healthy enough to do what it took to make that dream come true. i have the desire to be healthy because recovery has taught me that the only one responsible for my physical health is me, if i want to live a full life, than i need to take care of myself, or i will end up having to have someone else take care of me, hence the whole desire to get and stay fit. each of those responsibilities on the list can be looked at, in the exact same manner, and what i am feeling now, is an overwhelming sense of gratitude for having these responsibilities as a part of my life.
so on that note, i am gratefully signing off and hitting the streets to get a jump start on burning off the calories i will consume this afternoon.
so until tomorrow, have an excellent Thanksgiving, i know i will.

∞ DT ∞