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i see the truth of this when i practice a Twelfth Step.
okay i have mowed the lawn, and now am trying fix coffee card, so it has been a few minutes since i started writing this. what heard this morning, and what i hear now, are probably the same thing, nevertheless, i will go from here.
honestly, i have no problem in seeing GOD in all others and all others being part of GOD, although i use that word very loosely these days. okay, the mundane activities are complete, time to delve into the divine. i have always had a problem with mysticism, religion and spirituality, that was until i came to recovery and took a few simple suggestions, some of which i am now working to overthrow, update and metamorphose into what they need to be at this time in my life. although i was severely stressed about this over the past few days, all of a sudden, at least for now, it does not matter any more. i feel as if just trying out new and different things in my prayers will accomplish what needs to happen, namely connecting that part of GOD that is within me, to the whole of GOD that is external to me. there is a fear that if i stop praying, i will not return to praying, and of course when i consider that, i am struck by the old cliché about babies and bath water.
so here pops up this reading, speaking about the Twelfth Step, and here i sit processing my Eleventh Step, making the transition to the Twelfth, and i finally get it. no not the prayer thing, no what i get, is that i am in the process of another spiritual awakening. as i might say to one of the men i sponsor, i am right where i am supposed to be. the problem is, that although i have been here before, i have NEVER been HERE before. never before, has the ELEVENTH Step produced such a fundamental and deep shift in my belief structure. nor has i ever felt, that my eyes are finally open to the truth that is so readily apparent to others. it is like i am emerging from a century long coma, into a world, that i get but do not quite understand. so anyhow, i think i will hang on and enjoy the ride. no one ever promised me that recovery would be smooth, although they have hinted on the profound experiences they have had, and that might possibly be mine. the rational me, has always found this to be a bit of as stretch, and now that i find myself inside of one, i guess the rational me, needs to reevaluate his picture of reality.
so anyhow, my task for today, is to allow all of the pieces to fall into place, without trying to force any of them to fit. and to that end, it is time to shower and go face the day in front of me.

∞ DT ∞