Blog entry for:

honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness begin to appear. as i finally get around to starting this, i am struck by, well, the change i see when a FNG finally starts to “GET IT.”
sometimes that FNG, is not the member in the room with the least clean-time, as there are days when i feel just like a FNG. enough of that however, what i really wanted to write about, is what happens when i see that light suddenly turn on. when i can finally see that yes, there is a POWER greater than addiction working in the life of someone else, and it is not sex, love, gambling, energy drinks, money or appearances. it is the POWER that can and fuel their journey into becoming something so much more. sadly, that light can go off as fast as it comes on, and i have also been witness to one or more members with time, spin down the drain, because it seems they forget that what is outside is not relevant to the path their recovery needs to take. i can recognize this, because although i have yet to go to the final, nuclear solution, i volunteered for the process of allowing a something other than the POWER that fuels my recovery, to take over. if i consider what the FIRST STEP says, that power has to be addiction and nothing else.
i do not sugar coat that by calling it things like my lower power or the committee, because i like things in black and white, and in this awfully grey world, binary choices, are hard to come by.
so where was i? oh yeah, before i took off and showered off yesterday, i was talking about how i can replace the voice of recovery, the HIGHER POWER within, with the voice of addiction. the test for me is: am i looking for something outside of me, to change the way i feel? am i looking for validation from the outside, that yes, i am on the right path? more often than not, when the answer to either of those subtly different questions is yes, than i am in trouble. a compact fluorescent bulb, like recovery, may take some time warm up and shine at its maximum luminosity. but is shuts-off instantly, once the switch is flipped. i may have some grace, with my finger on the light switch for a while, but once i turn it off, well all best are off.
what is it that I NEED to do, to counter the power of addiction? well for one, look for the HIGHER POWER in those with whom i share my life, recognize ITs presence and see that, i, too, have that same POWER within. the converse of that proposition is also true. looking for the lower power of addiction in others, does help me to recognize it within myself and helping them get their spiritual light burning brightly, will certainly keep my finger off the switch.
anyhow enough cheesy analogies. what i am grateful for, and yes i am about to fart a daisy, is that i GET the chance today, to live a life free from active addiction, good, bad or indifferent, it is up to me, to recognize the HIGHER POWER within and allow that POWER to care for my will and my life. with that thought i think i will run to the store and get rolling on my day, and yes it bears repeating it is a great day to bve clean, feel what i am feeling and be certain that the path of recovery, is where i belong.

∞ DT ∞