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of a HIGHER POWER that i develop as i share the recovery of another addict. well those lines above indicate that there is a whole lot going on with me this morning. as much as i want to say how fVcking spiritual i am, i know better, and my behavior has been demonstrating that the time to move forward on my step work has come and past. nevertheless i will persevere and see where i can go today.
i am in sort of a weird mood this morning, i feel a littler put out by the world in general, and if i allow this to take over my day, there will certainly be consequences. what does that have to seeing the growth in others and sharing in their recovery experience? hmm, quite an interesting question. as i ponder that and move along the line on this train of thought i am starting to get a clue. of course, i see evidence of a HIGHER POWER working bin the lives of others. that is obvious as i am on the outside and can look with an unbiased eye, rationally on where they are today. it is when i look for that same evidence in myself that i falter. after all, if you guys only knew what went on between my ears,. you would run, not walk as fast as possible to the furthest reaches of the universe to get away from me. this is naturally a bit of hyperbole, but the addict within is great at spinning the silliest little notions into something that sounds ever so rational, and believable, after all it is using my own voice to tell me how sick i really am.
the truth as it is being revealed to me, and my weirdness starts to life is, yes i am sick, addiction does that and IS A FACT OF LIFE for me. HOWEVER, i am better than i used to be and the evidence in that is the number of people who have come to trust and respect me, as WE share our recovery experience. just as i see more of them than they do, so they see more of me. there was a time when i was alone in the world, purposefully isolated and protected by the shell of active addiction. as scary as coming out from that wall may feel, i am certainly happy that i have been shown a way to become more than i ever dreamed possible.
as i get to end of my original thought process, i know i really have not said anything. yes i am sick. yes i am getting better, the evidence of this, is that this unforgivable wretch has been forgiven and is becoming worth being trusted and respected by those with whom i share my life. just as i can see this transformation in others, so they must see it in me. just i recognize the growth in others, they tell me they see it in me. my only clues is that which i once found acceptable in myself, i no longer can accept, and that which i thought would i would never be able to do, i do with very little effort today. the grace the program is giving comes from the POWER that fuels my recovery, that has happened to put addicts in my life that provide me all the mirror i need today. so it is off to the streets before it gets much more toastier this morning, life is good and i am certain more will be revealed as the day progresses.

∞ DT ∞