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or accept help, i stay connected to my peers, my family and the world around me. i have to admit that the source material gave me a bit of an issue as i attempted to turn it around form we to me. one thing one may note about me is that i no longer hide in the crowd by placing myself into the anonymous “we,” that so many of my peers insist on doing. i also do not place them into the anonymous bucket of “you” either. that being said, i know for a fact that without others in that collective we, i could not have achieved nine thousand seven hundred and ninety seven JFTs, in a row. so of course that begs the question of how can i be a part of that collective without being the individual that i have realized that i am.
it is true that i am a member of a fellowship and have been for a very long minute. what that means, at least in my mind, is that i adhere to the spiritual principles that have been passed down by my predecessors. although my recovery program may vary in some of the details, from that of my peers, the one thing that we do have in common is what has been given to us, in the form of traditions and recovery literature. although i may not agree with the direction some of my peers choose to take, i have to respect their choices and have FAITH that the same program that has given me this incredible life, warts and all, will provide for them as well. it is quite a change from the phase in my recovery journey where i chided and berated all those who could not or would not carry a clear and “pure” message of recovery.
today, after a week of being less than balanced spiritually and emotionally, i have finally reached an accommodation with my physical self and moved into a place of accepting that not knowing is okay. i am also beginning to see that perhaps i do not have the best sponsor in the world for me, as he seems more than a bit distant when i want to be supported. i have yet to reach jumping off point, but i am starting to feel the need, greater than ever before and i am beginning to understand what brought one of his sponsees to the point of asking me to sponsor them. more will certainly be revealed in this instance as well.
i guess i have run out of stuff to stay, i know for a fact that i cannot recover in isolation and am part of the we that is the collective of myself and my peers in recovery. i will not put words into the mouths of my peers, but for this addict i can honestly say that i am grateful that i stumbled into this fellowship and made a place for myself within it. i am also grateful that that place can change over the course of time and just for today, i accept that as my reality.

∞ DT ∞