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well over the past week or so i have been working on moving on into my third step work and struggling just a bit. part of the problem for me is letting go and accepting that i DO NOT have all the answers. so if i am at the end of what i can do myself, where does that leave me? exactly in the spot that i am in! not exactly a good spot and not exactly a bad spot, just a spot that can be resolved through the process of recovery.
part of the reason that i cannot currently move forward is that i lack TRUST in myself and FAITH that my feelings and intuition just may be GOD'S voice within in me. i having to look at my belief structure about what and who i think i am and readjust for the new reality, and that reality is still a mystery to me. i spoke of losing the map to the minefield a couple of weeks ago or so and what i have come to realize is that i never had the map. what i thought was knowledge of my direction through my life was actually walking in FAITH. so if i was walking in FAITH before, accepting that i would know what to do and where to go, why am i so hesitant to move forward now.
the answer seems to be that i can no longer feel that GOD'S presence within myself or rather that i think i may no a thing or two about myself and think i have all the answers. and then i am back to the beginning again, running around in circles.
perhaps i am just asking the wrong questions or fighting the process or whatever! so i think i will let go of the tiny conundrum, follow the suggestion in today's reading of looking for the presence of GOD within others, so i can once again recognize the presence of GOD within myself.
∞ DT ∞