Blog entry for:

what do i need to do TODAY to guard my recovery? well the short answer is everything i have done up to this point! of course, that hardly provides any detail to anyone who chooses to read my musings, nor does it provide me an inventory of the actions i NEED to perform today.
although i have accumulated some days clean, i still need to make periodic checks of my actions and behaviors, to see if i am doing what i need to. the first thing that was suggested when i first got clean was to go to 90 meetings in 90 days which being the obsessive type of person i am, i accomplished 90 meetings in about 45 days and proudly reported the fact to my sponsor. what i was hoping for was a reprieve from daily meeting attendance, what i got was a reminder that i had used every day, and a strong suggestion that i continue my daily meeting attendance until i passed 90 days clean. i actually attend meetings daily for nearly a year and then dropped down to 5 meetings a week, and have finally settled on 3 meetings a week on a consistent basis. i find consistent meeting attendence reminds me of who and what i am and gives me the chance to hear something from outside of my head that just might help me stay clean another 24 hours.
another suggestion to me as a newcomer was to get and use a sponsor, i have had a sponsor since before i got clean and actually started to use him as a source of experience, strength and hope after about 7 days clean. when i was struggling to get clean, my sponsor suggested i call him 3 days a week, i would choose to call him only when i felt good, after all what could he do about when i did not feel so good. two sponsors later, i am better about calling when i am twisting, but still delay making that call until i am absolutely at the end of trying everything i know of. this is not a course of action that i would suggest to anyone else. i am working on allowing this behavior to change. Allowing him the chance to provide the possible insight that i need to see my way back to the solution.
when i was getting clean, it was also suggested that i frame my day with 12 simple words, "GOD keep me clean today," in the morning and "Thank you GOD for keeping me clean," in the evening. acknowledging the source of my recovery and expressing gratitude for the strength to accumulate another day in recovery. i have yet to decide to stop applying this simple behavior to my life and the results are amazing, i have grown from a condescending asshole agnostic into a member with the FAITH that i will be provided for. i also met with my sponsor yesterday to continue the next pillar of my vigilance, that is progress working the steps. although i did not get an assignment to move onto the next step cycle, i did get an assignment to finish the cycle i am on and lay the groundwork for my next cycle of steps and i am actually working on that assignment within 24 hours of recieving it!
so in retrospect, i am maintaining my vigilance and working on doing what i need to, so that i may choose to remain in recovery tomorrow.
∞ DT ∞