Blog entry for:

addiction still patiently awaits, therefore, for me, vigilance is daily accomplishment. one of the things i am trying to do in this new year, is to use more of my own ideas and less of the printed word as the seed for this daily brain dump. it is true that over seventy-five percent of my seed for today is a direct lift from the reading, but i have just started so we can see how this goes.
before i go off on some tangent, i just want to say HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you, may your life be blessed and may 2010 bring you gifts beyond your wildest dreams. it was a wonderful evening at the event last night, and even though my parents were in the room next door, i had a great time. it is true, that we did not make it to the magic hour, but that is what it is, at least we were there and present for the activity.
that brings me around to the topic at hand. i hear bunches about vigilance, and i know there are reminders throughout the annual cycle of these readings, the first place my mind always goes to is: who talks the most about this in the rooms? the astonishing answer is those members who do the least to maintain their recovery. it appears to me, those who are vigilent, doing their level best to live a program of recovery very rarely go on and on about how vigilant they are. after pointing that finger, i need to look at m,y own actions in this matter. while this is my personal dumping ground and i say i do not care if anyone reads this, of course i do, and what you may be thinking as you digest my words is always on my mind. i am not recovered enough to entirely let go of how i think i look in your eyes. so the next place i go is of course, am i doing what oi say i am doing or am i merely chanting the words like some sort of magical incantation hoping that it will keep addiction at bay. i am not going to go through an inventory process here and now, at least in this forum, perhaps while i trot around the neighborhood with my dawg, the point is, that the reading this morning has given me something to look at and focus on this morning.
i know that traditionally, New Year’s Day was the day of making and breaking resolutions. ever since i have been an active participant in my recovery. i have lost the need to even consider resolutions, as the program provides enough life changing events. i am not about to start that today, after all, like the question -- ‘am i an addict,’ -- only someone who is would even consider that question seriously. so if i am considering whether or not i am vigilant enough, the answer is that i probably am, at least right here and right now. so even though it is colder than i like, and even though there is still snow and ice on the streets, i do believe i am going for a run anyhow. I NEED some fresh air and my body is craving some REAL exercise. since recovery has given me the gift of the desire to be healthy, i do think i will avail myself to that, before i change my mind! so it is off to the races and into this bright and frigid morning.

∞ DT ∞