Blog entry for:

that something horrible will possess me if i drop my guard for an instant. last year, i went way off the reservation about this topic and although my feelings have not changed, the way i express than certainly has. i am a bit more mellow this year and certainly not going down the path of relapse, loopholes, drug replacement therapy and medications for treating those addicts who truly need them. i DO believe that relapse is a choice, and for this addict, the only thing that makes me continue to choose to recover, rather than use, is my desire to be a better person. i have a minute or so clean, and as a result, have had the opportunity to develop and maintain a daily program of recovery, a recovery routine. i am a creature of habit and my “habit” of daily maintenance shields me from doing what i might consider the unthinkable. i GET to recover today, because i CHOOSE to do so and not because i FEAR the shadows of darkness, that i choose to call relapse. my point is that BECAUSE i have decided to live a program of recovery today, i GET to enjoy the fruits of that process, just for today.
moving along, as i was working with one of the men who choose to call me their sponsor yesterday, i chided him about being mentally lazy and not diving deep down into his EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH and HOPE to write the assignments we are currently working on. i know he is bright enough, ambitious enough and certainly motivated enough to do so, but his current living situation does not require him to use his critical thinking skills, it is more of a reactive than contemplative situation, i get that as well. i also reminded him, more than once, that his place there is secure until November 2022, if he chooses to allow that to happen. we also spoke of how he could improve his situation and get back to the local community long before that date, if he chose to do so as well. in his environment, being a “goody two-shoes,” may not win him a whole lot friends and influence, but it will certainly shorten his stay. his adherence to the spiritual principles of the program will earn him the respect of others and keep him from exercising a bit of self-will that may have consequences he does not find appealing. my suggestion, to “jump-start” his critical thinking skills was to consider the consequences of each decision he makes, before he makes it, and to be sure that if the worst consequence materializes, that is an acceptable outcome for him. i look forward to hear how this little bit of learning to live life on its own terms works out for him. of course, now i stuck in a similar situation, you know sauce for the goose…
it is true, i am unhappy with my job, no matter how much i like the money. as i return to work tomorrow, i can carry that bad attitude into the workplace, OR i can be open-minded enough, to look for some opportunities to exercise what i DESIRE to learn. there are a few places that go beyond, just existing in my work place, and it will be up to me, to thrive once again, in an environment that does not suit the creative side of who i am. focusing on what is not, while one of my favorite activities, will not help me to appreciate what is. perhaps, as some sort of resolution, although i loathe that word, i may try to turn the bitter bits of what i am doing into better bits. perhaps, i can take a cue or three from my spiritual path and realize that it is the WHOLE that is where my focus needs to be, rather than the constituent parts. certainly food for thought on this 🎈 New Year's Day 2018 🎆 🎇 🎉 🎊

∞ DT ∞