Blog entry for:

for the easier way in an act of vigilance. before i get rolling for the second time, i want to wish all you happen to read this a happy and prosperous 2013, may you meet or exceed all of your personal expectations and then some. just the fact that we start an annual cycle, in the darkest and dreariest time of our planet's journey around our life-sustaining star, is weird in and of itself. those wacky Romans and their belief system, has left an artifact that is still present today. i guess when you think about it, the sun has started its climb into the northern sky, so it is as good as any other arbitrary point in the cycle. so welcome to 2013 and welcome back sun from your low point in my noon sky.
the reading is about vigilance, which if one looked it up, one would find that it means the act of being vigilant, not very informative, but highly accurate. so dipping into the internet as second time one would find that vigilant can be defined as: “watchful, especially for danger or disorder.”
certainly a very good definition for me to go with this morning, and amazingly one that is just about spot on, with how the word is defined ion the fellowship that is the home of my recovery. the reading this morning, had a boatload of things i could do, to practice vigilance and i zoomed in on the single most important one for me and my program of recovery: not compromising on the spiritual principles, that i purport to live by. this seems the simplest of all of the suggestions, but of course, being the martyred victim, i choose to be from time to time, it is also the most difficult to put into practice. going to meetings, a simple physical act, just as reading the daily meditation. practicing what i have been taught, like everyone is watching me every minute of every day, is however more than a bit daunting, but yields the best results, at least for me.
how does that shake out? some days better than others, but at least i have a quantifiable standard by which to judge. sure to be truly selfless is not a state i will reach any day soon, but each time i CHOOSE to act selflessly, i get that much closer to the ideal. the best part is: it becomes easier the next time to be selfless in the same or similar situations, for me, learning is a ‘doing process;’ reading about something, talking about it, or even writing about lacks the actual intensity that just doing it does for me. each time i do something, positive or negative, although i really do abhor putting a value judgement label on anything, it becomes easier to do so the next time. that is just how stuff works for me. so way back when i was getting clean and i told that very first truth, that i am an addict, it was the start of a process that continues today. that very first time? to the DA and the judge, to get an easier and yes softer journey through the justice system, little did i realize the truth in that statement or what its future implications were going to be for me. here i sit, many days later wondering what took me so long to realize how desperate and miserable i was and why it took the spiritual two-by-four of a felony conviction to get me to change. another one of those ‘how many angels’ discussions. no what is important this morning, is that i look for and recognize opportunities to practice these principles and not just pay lip service to them. what is important today, is that i examine my actions and honestly look at them, and when i need to spin them, rationalize them, or justify them, than look to what the real nature of those actions are. clean time doe not equal recovery and i no longer believe that just because someone may have decades clean, that they also have decades of recovery, based on my own experience. today i want to have another day clean and more importantly be able to see in my TENTH STEP the places where i CHOSE to practice a spiritual principle or three, instead stepping off into the easier softer way, that is how i lived before today. yes each day i get the opportunity to be that much better than yesterday and if i pay attention, i will be allowed the same opportunity tomorrow, as the core of my FAITH, is that the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery, is for me to stay clean today.
off to the showers and then pounding a keyboard, clicking a mouse and seeing how many billable hours i can muster forth today.

∞ DT ∞