Blog entry for:

from addiction as long as i remain vigilant.
the New Year always is an opportunity for me to look at what has changed and what has remained the same, over the course of the past 365 days. it is the perfect milepost, as it were, for looking back and looking ahead, and while i do not make “resolutions,” i certainly look for the things i can do better over the course of the next 365 days.
i am certainly still an addict, and over the last year, i have had that concept hammered home, in many ways. while i could list all the evidence i have, i have many more fish to fry today, so i will just say that the past year has more than cemented that fact into my psyche. the FIRST STEP, has for quite some time, been a part of my life, and as i enter this new year, i do not see that changing. i have come to a much greater acceptance as that being fact, and am comfortable stating that. what has changed in this regard is the idea that addiction is something alien, foreign or a separate part of me. i have been working that notion over and over again, and i have gone from one extreme to another. what it has come down to, at least for me, is not whether or not addiction is a disease or whether or not i was born with it. no how i became an addict, is now totally irrelevant to me, all that IS relevant, is my understanding that for me, this is the TRUTH! i am not responsible for being an addict, i am responsible for my recovery, and that means doing everything in my power to keep active addiction at bay. since i AM an addict, and do not see the world through the eyes of the other 85%, it means that i NEED to keep in close contact with those who are doing something for their recovery today, because only they, not paid therapists, counselors or social workers, really understand what it means to be an addict. only my peers in the fellowship can provide me the guidance that i need when i am part of the still suffering.
the second major theme over the past year is a movement away from the spiritual path, that i was born into. cultural conditioning, has left its mark on me in many ways, but the longest running battle i have been having is how i fit into the spiritual tradition that is the norm, in my society and my fellowship. the plain and simple fact is that i do not, and coming to that place is a great burden lifted from my back. the trick over the next year or so. is to fit my new view into a package that i can share about with my peers, and the problem here is that language and the common concepts i share with them, is far from adequate. as i move deeper into my ELEVENTH STEP, i have FAITH, that common ground will be uncovered and i will be at peace with the direction my recovery is going.
what i need to do today, is to obsessing about what the words of the step say, and feel what they mean to me. the FREEDOM from this cultural conditioning does exist, it is just up to me, to allow that process to happen.
it is a good day to be clean and to start my journey through this very new year. be well my friends AND REMEMBER IT IS JUST FOR TODAY THAT ANY OF REALLY HAVE, REGARDLESS OF WHICH SIDE OF THE 85% ONE HAPPENS TO FALL IN.

∞ DT ∞