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spring the trap is not quite how i view the part of me i call addiction. i stopped living in that sort of abject fear, a long time ago. that does not mean that somehow i am **cured** or have moved into **advanced** recovery. what it means for this addict, is that i NEED to make a conscious choice to live a program and allow the POWER that fuels my recovery, to take care of the rest. when i come across a reading such as the one this morning, i often “flash” to those days of FEAR of relapse and loathing having to do anything to keep it at bay, relapse that not the fear. this morning as i sat, those old feelings flooded me once more, until i remembered that i have a way out.
do not get me wrong or believe that i am cavalier about my recovery and the danger that active addiction presents to me. i have just discovered that living in FEAR takes a whole lot more energy that living in the FAITH that the program has given me and will continue to give me, what i need to stay clean today, if i ask for the power to do so. i know that falls outside the “party line,” for many of my peers, and that is okay as well. just because i happen to see things a bit differently does not make me a rebel or a heretic by any means. today has been one of those days that test my serenity and ironically as i was doing the next right thing for my aging parents, one of my siblings showed up, for reasons of their own. that, too, is okay and just for today i can let go of my judgements and forgive them for not stepping up the way i have. i know they have their own lives to live and really are quite clueless about the state of affairs in my parent's home, as i was before i stepped up to the plate and started looking in on them ion a daily basis. i also know that as time goes on, what i need to do for them will only increase and i feel today that i owe them my time, resources and care, every single day.
on that note, i think i will take the dawg around the neighborhood so she can do her doggie social thing, as she seems more content when she gets her daily constitutional. it is after all, a good day to be clean and to take care of those who rely on me.

∞ DT ∞