Blog entry for:

they talk about the same experiences and feelings i have. i know they are recovering because of their serenity and because they have something i want. before i get rolling, here is wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, just in case i forget tomorrow. also, Mike S wherever you are happy 17th anniversary of your clean date, i do miss you and hope that someday you reenter my life.
okay that takes care of the outside business, well not really outside, but not exactly germane as to what is on my mind this morning. as some of you know i slid down the highways to Boulder last night, to attend one of the two meetings i make on a weekly basis. getting there, while treacherous, was well worth the effort, the real trick was getting home, but i made the round trip with very little drama and only a tiny bit of trauma. where was i? oh yeah, i remember the group. i was sitting in the meeting listening quietly to what was being said, my heart and my Higher Power, when all of a sudden one of the members started going off about what i should and should not do to practice a program of active recovery. quite truthfully, i was more than just a little bit perturbed, after all, where does this person, who has not even worked step one, even after almost three years clean, get off coming on like some sort of authority figure about what to do to practice recovery. before i could open my mouth another member shared and reminded me about the spiritual principle of respect. for that i am grateful, as it slowed down my racing mind enough to prevent me from having to use the corrective part of the tenth step. i did not disrespect anyone, in fact when given the chance after the meeting i did not even say anything to the member who pissed me off so royally. something took over me, and i channeled a bit of Mother Teresa and practiced peace instead of chaos.
what does this have to do with the reading? well for one, there are always a bunch of newcomers at this meeting, as it is held in a treatment facility. i behaved as if i knew a bit about recovery and lived by a spiritual program. my actions were an example of living in recovery. the alternative would have been quite ugly, and i am grateful that whatever Power is present when a group of addicts meet for a recovery meeting was present in my heart and mind last night. this morning as i sit here and contemplate my actions, i may have sinned in my mind but my soul is clean, as i chose to behave in a different manner, quite contrary to what i was feeling. did i swallow my anger? HELL NO, i am still a bit miffed, but i accept that there will always be members who speak without any experiences and do their level best to sound like some sort of expert. in fact, i was one of those members in the not so distant past, and that is really what i am miffed about. i can no longer get away with that sort of behavior, as i know better, DAMMIT!
with that last tidbit, i can see that i am progressing and that it is time to shower off the sweat i have accumulated, moving the snow away from where i did not want it. life is good this morning and i am grateful to have another day on this side of the dirt. so off to finish what needs to be done, before the holiday is upon me.

∞ DT ∞