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the Twelfth Step of our personal program also says that we carry the message to the addict who still suffers.... the group is the most powerful vehicle we have for carrying the message.
i was not going to blog today, way way too many things going on, but as the day wore on and i got a few tasks accomplished i thought again and decided that perhaps a bit about the group and my part in it would be a good thing to ponder and wax not so poetically on.
well moving on, i realize that i have not been a very good group member over the past six weeks or so. i am coming to realize that it is because of something entirely different going on inside of me and is coming out more than a bit sideways in my participation in the group. i went to a meeting yesterday, my first in six days, (which is a long time between meetings for me), and i shared that somehow i was looking for something different in meetings. that the group was no longer meeting my needs and that perhaps i needed to find a new means to recover. all of this has been building and i finally stumbled across something my sponsor said a couple of weeks ago, that had been kind of rumbling around my brain. he said that i needed to find a way to make recovery new again for myself. the meetings, the literature, what is shared , nor who attends the meetings is not going to change. i will keep hearing the same old clich&eactues, the same war stories and the frustration of addicts who are having problems dealing with life on life’s terms for the rest of my stay in the fellowship i choose to recover in. it is my job to take that information and make integrate it into a new manner of looking at things. it is my job to find a way to renew my commitment to my personal program. and it is my job to once again participate in a group as just a member.
i have never really got to be just a member, due to the state of my fellowship in my home town, when i first got clean, i have been more than just a member. everything from all the trusted servants to the sort of "god father" of my fellowship here at home. so today i am looking about how being just a member can make the group and our message attractive to those who are still suffering in active addiction, but are becoming desperate enough to look for a different manner of living. figuring out how i can be a part of that will help me solve my dilemma, making my recovery new once again. so off to the rest of the tasks i need to accomplish thius afternoon and
MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!

∞ DT ∞