Blog entry for:

before i even get started i want to wish my friend Mike S a happy thirteenth anniversary of his clean date. thank you for all the gifts you have given me over the course of our relationship. i am grateful that you were here when i needed to have someone new to guide me through the recovery process.
next off, i want to wish everyone the best holiday season they can have, what ever that happens to look like for you this year.
finally, down to brass tacks. today's reading has a theme very similar to a flame i posted a couple of days ago. so here i sit thinking about how i can carry the message of recovery using the vehicle of the groups i attend. i went back to last year's post and there was a brief inventory similar to the one i posted this week. i do not need to repeat that here. what i do need to think about today is how my behaviors carry the message. i know it is part of my nature to seem aloof, and stand-offish, as a result i am more than a bit awkward in social situations and often appear to be arrogant, when truthfully i am just scared. so i need to make sure that when my words say welcome to our fellowship my actions and body also says welcome. and when i feel 'broken beyond repair,' i also need to find the HOPE that i can be fixed, that this feeling is a transient part of my life and there is more to recovery than pain and misery. i must let my behaviors mirror my feelings in all their complexity, you know pain, misery, hope, and acceptance. i have recently spoken about the subject of behaviors matching words to a close friend and you know what, it is also something i need to do, especially when my recovery is on display at any meeting of the fellowship in which i choose to recover. i can be part of the attraction or i can be part of the problem, i have that choice today, i am so grateful that i have that choice today!
∞ DT ∞