Blog entry for:

of HOPE was not what i thought about writing about this morning., as i sat down and looked for the seed of this little exercise. as i sat this morning, the conversation with my sponsor bubbled up to the top, especially when he said he was unsure about what i needed to do when it came to formally writing a SIXTH STEP. i have to admit, the part of me that i call addiction, jumped for joy when it heard those words coming out of the mouth of my sponsor. what that part of me missed in its celebration, was that fact that he asked me to contact weekly and track what it is that is making me uncomfortable in the here and now. i may not be writing an inventory of “defects,” describing them in painful detail and wondering what my life would look like without them, that would be easy. no, i have to be present with my feelings and figure out how to name and describe them, so in my “weekly” check-ins i can report any progress i may make.
the HOPE in all of that, is that those who know me the best, see that i am no longer the sort of person i once was and are not too keen in transforming me into a “step technician.” i certainly see his point that there may come a time in my recovery journey, where working the steps, just because they are there, is not beneficial. the fact is, out of the twelve steps, i have implemented six of them into my daily routine, and as a result, live a life that i never imagined was possible. the parts of me that i may “feel” are defective, may not be assets as some of my peers have come to believe, but they are certainly part of who i am and how i was made. here is where the rub is, if i was a GOD sort of guy, i would have to say, who was i to question how i was created? i am grateful that is not a question i have to ask or answer, BUT, if i dive into my spiritual path, i can see that my character defects and assets are part of the whole and cannot exist without the other. just a beauty defines what is ugly, so acceptance defines intolerance. just as there is truly no measure of cold, so there is no measure of how nonspiritual i am being. cold is the lack of heat and temperature only measures heat. the affect i have on those around measures how well i am or am not living in my skin and my assignment will point in in the correct direction on my recovery journey.
i do need to get miles in and showered off, before the house gets filled with activity today. it is a good day to be clean and as the pavement passes under my feet, perhaps i will find something new to consider, on my recovery journey, just for today.

∞ DT ∞