Blog entry for:

commitment to make meetings attractive. as i start to get back into a daily routine, i am struck by how resistant i am to doing so.this vacation gig is great and the notion of being cold, living inside for the next three to four months, just makes me want to scream, sort of. anyhow, now that i am done whining about where i am physically and have posted where i am spiritually over the course of the past few days, i guess it is time to hone in on where i am today -- in Colorado -- , and what i NEED to get done today -- prepare for the holidays. i would love to say that going to my home group is top of the list, it is not, HOWEVER it is very near the top as i need to reconnect with those who get me and understand what it is like to walk around as an addict. the days of pretending i am something -- normal -- that i am not, have come to an end and as i sit here and consider my options, i am more than a bit grateful that i know what i NEED to do, what i WANT to get done today and have the opportunity to take care of both of those lists.
as i stay clean, one on the foundations of my recovery life has been meetings. over the past few weeks, i have been slacking and have not really stepped up other aspects to the point to cover that missing element. today, the reading may have been about the group, but what i felt in my brief dip into STEP 11, was a question about what i am DOING to foster an atmosphere of recovery in my home group and in the meetings i attend on any sort of basis. oh i could go into the litany of my sins and counter that with the detailing of my actions to counter the evils i inflict, but that shite is boring. what i felt this morning goes a bit deeper and lies at the heart of how the part of me i call addiction has been playing out over the past few days.yes, the newest of the new are important and need to be given the opportunity to find their place in recovery. what i feel this morning is that addicts in my shoes, those that have a bit of time, also need to be made to feel welcome. sharing on and on about how this is all about not using is great, that is our message after all. what i long to hear, is how my peers, step beyond that entry point and actually live a program out in the real world. what i need to offer is a little of both, how i stay clean and how i live, in order to foster a true atmosphere of recovery. even the FNG needs to hear that once you get clean, there is life beyond mere abstinence, so the mission i choose to accept today is to integrate staying clean, living clean and moving beyond the lobby of abstinence into something that is so much more. that does mean, however, that as i have discovered over the past few days, i also NEED to be with my tribe and allow them to be part of my life, after all, i cannot do this recovery gig on my own.

∞ DT ∞