Blog entry for:

comfort in the fact that others have faced the same steep learning curve, stayed clean, and have experiences they are willing to share. i have always been a bit of a loner, well that is a bit of hyperbole, in reality i have always believed i did not need anyone in my life and certainly not to guide me in how to live. when i got clean, i was unwilling to change that fact of life, as i saw those in the rooms as LOSERS! i was going to play my games, make myself appear to be the model of a recovering addict and amble back into the “life.” since i am pounding this out, it is quite obvious that plan did not come to fruition.
these days i have no reservations about asking for advice nor giving guidance when i am asked. the latter took a bit of work, as the former came quite easily for me, once i got desperate enough to break though the denial of who and what i was. that wall of denial was my prison and my protection from the world in general. needless to say, but i will anyhow, coming out from behind those walls was one of the scariest things i have ever done in my life. it is ironic that the last thing that bubbled up from the void this morning was about being connected to and interdependent with my peers. for me, at least these days, this is a no-brainer. i KNOW that i get what i need from my peers in recovery and i have the obligation to give them what i have, when they need it.
no, what i “heard” was a whole lot of white noise with a smattering of planning out my day to avoid the last minute Christmas rush, even though i have last minute errands to be run. right here and right now, however, i am enjoying a cigar and trying to decide if we are going with Chinese food tomorrow or something ready to eat from Whole Paycheck. from the white noise i got nothing and do not feel any regret about that, as i rejoice when nothing comes up from the void. i think i will post this and concentrate on doing nothing until my next set of tasks kicks in.

∞ DT ∞