Blog entry for:

today is packed full with stuff to do: wrap presents, work for my clients, get to a meeting, enjoy the holiday celebration with family, go to the store, get gas, root for the Broncos and do the laundry and dishes. with all of this looming in front of me, i can still take a moment to see where i am and wish all of you the very best holiday season possible. i have written before that my holidays were once filled with unending chemical bliss, and way back then, i believed that was the socially acceptable way to celebrate. my how times have changed!
today, everything i have to do is because i CHOOSE to do all of those tasks. yes, the gift of FREEDOM from active addiction allows me the FREEDOM to choose the activities i GET to accomplish today. it also allows me the freedom to let go of those tasks that i cannot get done, after all, there are only so many minutes in a day. my life at least today, looks like every one of them is accounted for, at least from this perspective. so the real question is what is the message i NEED to share today?
could it be, that IF one gets clean, one's life becomes so incredibly full that it may be overwhelming? that might be. or how about hat if one stays clean, one gets everything that one has ever wished for? that may also be true. those messages, however are not what i think i should be sharing today. what i believe i NEED to share, will be revealed as the day progresses. yes, it might be the luxury gripes that come from having a life beyond my craziest drug-induced fantasies. yes it might be that someone like me, can get clean, stay clean and grow into a life that has all the trappings of being in the other 85%. or it just might be, that if i can do it, learn to live it, anyone can do the same thing, one day at at a time. i have been certainly given more gifts than it is possible for me to enumerate. the most important right now, is that even though i can be distracted by what is going on, i CAN stay clean and BE present for all of those who have chosen to be a part of my life, and most importantly i ma not so broken that i have to exclude anyone else from being a part of my life. i am discovering that my capacity to give and receive love does not have any limits, IF i allow myself to continue to grow.
so as my list of stuff to do, had not grown much shorter it is time to shower up, and get working on it once more.
MAY YOUR HOLIDAY SEASON EXCEED YOUR EXPECTATIONS! MINE ALREADY HAS!

∞ DT ∞