Blog entry for:

whatever my problems, no matter how extreme, i have the chance to learn how to live anew. each day, simply by living life, i will learn something new. what am i learning today? well, since the day is so young not a lot. well a few things, i can ask for what i need today, and i can allow myself another day of enforced rest from my workout cycle. that is not what i heard when i sat quietly this morning and allowed my mind to settle, those two actions are the result of what i heard. what i heard was that i need not worry, all i have to do is accept what is reality, and go with the flow, and i will be able to meet my needs. part of those two actions go directly to that line of thought, and the ironic part of it all, is that i have always been able to have my needs met, i was just confused about what i NEEDED and what i WANTED.
this confusion extended across all aspects of my life and created my need to create the chaos i once loved to live. this self-created chaotic existence, while exciting and certainly on the edge, did not prepare to face the realities of living, in fact it insulated me from those realities, and i retreated further and further into a euphoric fantasy world, where i believed i had power and the ability to solve any problem that was presented to me. it was, to say the least, quite a shock to have the mind-numbing fog removed and see what it was like to live in the real world, with real problems and with real emotions in reaction to those problems. i mean, it SUCKED BIG TIME! so as i go through life today, i tend to forget the shock i experienced as i came out of the haze. as a result, i am sometimes impatient with those who are only just now experiencing that same process. how i got here, no, not in front of my computer, but thinking about my shortcomings in my interpersonal relationships is a mystery to me. mystery or not, i have received my first 911 call of the morning, so off to the real world i must go to deal with it. life is good this morning, and i can be alright not working out and taking care of what i need to take care of. so off to the showers i go.

∞ DT ∞