Blog entry for:

human responsibilities and develop bizarre survival skills, certainly a trademark of active addiction for me.
in my head, as i sit here this morning, i realize that ironically someone who was at the center of this blog a year ago has once again taken center stage. as i want to focus on me and not everything else, there are two sets of “alternative facts,” and their application that are on my mind this morning. the first being the new POTUS and his administration, they are very sly and i am quite sure they they realize the crunching blow of what it will mean to US consumers, whom allegedly they are supposed to be protecting, when they end having to pay 20% more for many of the items they consider “basic” to their lives. yes that stupid wall will be built, yes it will not take any tax dollars, BUT it is US consumers and not Mexico that will pay for it, in the last hare-brained, face-saving scheme, offered up by the POTUS and his incredibly naive team. their fantasy world of massive electorate victories, mandates and movements is slowing being entered by the start and grim reality that they are just fVcking idiots and saying something is so, does not make it reality.
ah, but i promised two, and the second hits much closer to home, namely the addict i spoke about yesterday. in their fantasy world, they are always the victim and they always need an unending chain of handouts after all “don't you realize what it means to get out of jail with nothing?” they live in a world of oppression and misunderstanding and do not seem to grasp the notion that it them that needs to change not the rest of us. their “process,” is certainly not mine and yet, once upon a time, it certainly could have been. i made my trip through the justice system a “one and done,” kind of thing and am grateful for that experience, as it allows me to do service in places i would rather NEVER visit again. either way, the physical comfort and ease of living, that i was being asked to contribute to, once again, is not my stuff and is certainly something i owe to any one, regardless of how long they have been “around.”
what i have learned over the past few days, is first off i do not have all the answers and making up “alternative facts,” to placate my detractors and pacify my supporters, will fail me in the long run. i AM responsible for my life and providing for physical comfort. if i squander my resources, and i have and probably still will, i have to live up to the notion, that now i have to make do with less. i can certainly tell you, that if i had a phone with limited minutes gifted to me, i would not have burned them up making myself feel better by calling friends just “ to chat” or may be i would. kin my twisted world view, i sometimes arrive at that place of total entitlement and everyone owes me a hand out and DAMMIT i am going to collect it from all of them, right the fVck now.
mostly what i have been coming to grips with, is that as helpful and supporting as may want to be, in my fantasy a hand up is never a hand out, am i creating a sense of entitlement in someone else, because i cave to their manipulative abuse, insults and disrespect. the sense of peace i am getting by drawing a line in the sand and actually sticking to it, is certainly the sign of growth in what me peers would say is a “positive” direction. i can certainly say, that the enforcement of my boundaries and saying no more, “feels” right.
so my lesson for this early Friday morning is stop spinning the facts to suit my agenda and constituency, because in the end, it will only make me more needy and vulnerable to stupid harebrained ideas. alternative facts will kill me, because i too, will decide that just this time, i can do just one and when it is said and done with i can come back tomorrow with a brand new, just for today. just as my trip through the justice system was a one and done, so will my trip through the legal wonders that are now at my disposal, yeah right, dream on!

∞ DT ∞