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but not as much as i will know tomorrow, this is, after all, all about learning something new today.
as i sit down and think about what to write this morning, there are more than one ideas competing in my head. i really do dislike times like these when a simple thought is just not possible, i mean seriously, as complicated as i think i may be, that really is just an illusion. in fact i am just a simple food burning, semi-autonomous, carbon based life form, who has been given the gift of self-awareness, just like the rest of the three or four billion other creatures of my species that are currently walking this rocky little planet, in a small solar system, way out in one of the spiral arms of one of millions of galaxies currently comprise the universe.
so bummer-rama is over kiddies, i have no idea why i went there, but it did clear out my head and give some direction for this writing exercise.
no matter how different i want to be, the fact remains i am still a human being, mostly similar to all the other human beings that i share this world with today. as such, i know there really is not that much variance genetically or evolutionary between myself and all the others. a quirk of fate, gave me the genetic, or cultural or social conditioning to part of the 15% or so of that species, who happen to be addictive personality types, and as a result, somehow i got the notion that i was so different from the rest, that more, morals, rules and consequences need not apply to me. i did not ask for this, so all the rest of you owe me BIG TIME! as a result, i figured that i knew everything i NEEDED to know and everything else was extraneous and irrelevant. and so i walked around with that chip on my shoulder expecting all sports of nonsense from everyone i happened to run into in the course of my finding the ways and means.
time clean and doing my best to live an active program of recovery, has shown me, even in all my uniqueness i was not that much different from the addicts in the room, and IF i wanted a new way of living, i would have to do what they did, one day at a time. the result was, work the steps or die Mo-Fo! so i have and along the path, i realize that each day clean, brings more experience and wisdom my way, to EDUCATE me in how to live. i see, that what i thought i was knew, was mostly the fictions i told myself, to shelter me from the ever-changing weather that is life in the real world. the amount of the knowledge i had was a pittance compared with what i NEEDED to know. most disturbingly, what i thought was wisdom was just refined lies, dressed up pedantically to make a shallow observation appear to have depth. it was all smoke and mirrors and once the man behind the curtain was revealed, he was found way wanting.
today i accept that i have much to learn. today i accept, that i never know who will provide me that chunk of wisdom i NEED to live today. and today, i accept that i CAN be the person i have always wanted to be, even if i am mostly clueless as who he really is, IF i continue to learn from the world around me. with that in mind, i do believe it is time to start today's learning experience by hopping into the shower and getting down to work, that too is a gift, no matter ho0w resistant i am to the notion of working for a living. oh yeah, i am willing to be awake and present enough to learn what i need to learn as i walk through today, after all, when i stop growing i start going, and that is a consequnce i am not willing to pay today.

∞ DT ∞