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and develop bizarre survival skills to cope with the world i lived in.
of course one of the things i am still poor at is waiting for an answer. i remember growing up and asking my parents for something, and they would say the worst thing of all, "we’ll see."
i quickly learned that little phrase usually meant yes and all i had to do was whine and press for an answer. naturally i got pissed off when my pressure caused them to say no, but i was willing to take that chance to know the answer right now, rather than living in a world of ambivalence and uncertainty.
so here i find myself. once again waiting for the resolution of we’ll see! the difference today is that i am not a child, and i am not quite certain to whom or to what i could apply pressure to get the answer i desire ant quicker. does that remove my desire for a quick fix, nor does that remove the unsettled feeling i have because i just do not know, and am unable to plan anything as a result. so how am i coping? wee i went shopping with my girl friend for new furniture last night, and found some stuff i really liked. we did not buy anything due to the unsettled nature of our situation, but looking at possibilities definitely took my mind off of obsessing about the BIG question in my life. so here it is a new day, now at least forty-eight hours away from an answer and how will i cope today? well there is always the nuclear option, a little bit of something to escape reality and i would no longer need to cope! an option but not a good one. or i could curl up into the fetal position and lay in bed until monday morning, cutting myself off from the world. a possibility but one that i am physically incapable of accomplishing. so i think i will just say a bunch of extra prayers for the skills i need to cope today, do some work, and do my level best to live today as a series of moments, in which everything i do is furthering my goals in life. a bit of work, a bit of play, a bit of recovery and a whole bunch of letting go and surrendering my will and my life into the care of my HIGHER POWER. plenty to do!

∞ DT ∞