Blog entry for:

there are times when i think i knew everything i need to know about how to live life. there also times when i think i am totally clueless about this life. and those times occur with a greater frequency than i am comfortable admitting, even in a semi-anonymous manner in my blog.
the reading however was not about knowing or not knowing and why i started down this path is beyond my reasoning capabilities today. those times that i think i have the answer to life, the universe and everything are certainly when i am acting out on a character defect or two -- namely arrogance and conceit. conversely, those times i feel clueless is another set of my character defects in action -- low self-esteem and worthlessness. i understand that as an addict in active addiction i had a tendency to see the world in BLACK and WHITE with no shades of grey in between. that world view probably helped me to survive the internal horrors of active addiction and actually have no place in my path of recovery. nevertheless, that world view is comforting and well-known but closes my mind to the lessons that i need to learn today.
those behaviors are definite shortcomings that have yet to be removed and lead to all kinds of other unsavory actions, that are beyond my willingness to enumerate today.
however, the reading offers HOPE, that if i open my mind and become present to what is going on inside and outside of me that i can accumulate another bit of knowledge to apply to my life tomorrow. what a concept, a spiritual principle or two in direct opposition to my defects of character and shortcomings, something i tend to forget over the course of time. doing my daily reading and pausing to contemplate that reading gives me a spiritual jump start out of active addiction and into the life of a recovering addict. what am i supposed to learn today?? not a clue but i am certain it will be vital to my on-going growth and survival and i will be open-minded to see what happens!

∞ DT ∞