ยช recovery is not easy, the strength i need comes from my fellow members ยช
Posted: Wed, Feb 3, 2010 08:43:34 AM
today, i am grateful for the diversity of the members with whom i share my recovery, for in that diversity i find my strength.as i sit here this morning, i am struck with the depth of certainty my recent decision has started to bring me. each day, i start to move forward and each day i find the implications for me to run at a much deeper level than i ever imagined. i have reached a place of acceptance and find no reservations, so it is as it should be, at least for right now.
the second thing that is on the top of my head this morning, is how am i going to tell a new sponsee that he is really on Step One and not Step Three? once again i feel with conviction that i what i need to do, if i am going to help guide him through the recovery process. i know what i would feel if my new sponsor would "oh, by the way…"
so really the major question is how any of this fits into the reading this morning, of coming to accept all members regardless of how i perceive them, as i never know which member will provide me with what i need to recover today. here, i lack the same forceful wisdom of what is going on inside of me. on the surface neither of the top concerns on my mind seem to fit into what i thought i was listening to this morning. perhaps, what i think i heard and what i actually heard were two entirely different things. as i sit here and sort through all that is going on in my head, what i am starting to get a notion of is that those differences are what i use to separate myself from the pack. it is not that i am trying to keep others out of recovery, rather i am trying to keep those others out of my life. allowing my prejudices and biases to take precedence over my recovery keeps me sick, as i can use them to shoot the messenger, hence killing the message.
what i am now feeling is that somewhere, across the course of this day, that someone has something to tell me, that i will wish to dismiss or ignore at my own peril. it is my natural reaction to that person that will cause me to be dismissive of what they are trying to tell me, but right here and right now, i understand that listening and not responding is what i NEED to do. i guess i will let those floodgates open when they do and deal with what i need to deal with when the wave of emotion overtakes the rationality of my resolve.
so it is off to the streets with the dawg for our constitutional around the neighborhood.
the second thing that is on the top of my head this morning, is how am i going to tell a new sponsee that he is really on Step One and not Step Three? once again i feel with conviction that i what i need to do, if i am going to help guide him through the recovery process. i know what i would feel if my new sponsor would "oh, by the way…"
so really the major question is how any of this fits into the reading this morning, of coming to accept all members regardless of how i perceive them, as i never know which member will provide me with what i need to recover today. here, i lack the same forceful wisdom of what is going on inside of me. on the surface neither of the top concerns on my mind seem to fit into what i thought i was listening to this morning. perhaps, what i think i heard and what i actually heard were two entirely different things. as i sit here and sort through all that is going on in my head, what i am starting to get a notion of is that those differences are what i use to separate myself from the pack. it is not that i am trying to keep others out of recovery, rather i am trying to keep those others out of my life. allowing my prejudices and biases to take precedence over my recovery keeps me sick, as i can use them to shoot the messenger, hence killing the message.
what i am now feeling is that somewhere, across the course of this day, that someone has something to tell me, that i will wish to dismiss or ignore at my own peril. it is my natural reaction to that person that will cause me to be dismissive of what they are trying to tell me, but right here and right now, i understand that listening and not responding is what i NEED to do. i guess i will let those floodgates open when they do and deal with what i need to deal with when the wave of emotion overtakes the rationality of my resolve.
so it is off to the streets with the dawg for our constitutional around the neighborhood.
∞ DT ∞