Blog entry for:
Sat, Feb 3, 2007 08:18:24 AM
μ regardless of my personal background, i have two things in common with everyone in this fellowship that i share with no one else: μ
posted: Sat, Feb 3, 2007 08:18:24 AM
the part of me i call my disease, and my recovery.
sorry about the choppiness of the intro and title. i have reached the point in my recovery where i no longer look at my disease as some sort of alien condition imposed upon me by a piece of whimsical fate. i am certain today that what we collectively call the disease of addiction is a part of me, intrinsic in every way to me and as a consequence i am uncomfortable treating that part of me as some sort of separate entity. that makes me in no way unique, just because i choose to view myself in a different manner than some other members of my fellowship in no way implies that i am better or even different from them in any way, no matter how much distance that part of me wants to put between myself and others.
this is an excellent reminder for me, as i have found myself drifting away from the fellowship and finding more and more ways in which i am so fucking different. the actual truth is that i believe that the part of me i call my disease is trying to get me not to share my fourth step with my sponsor. while taking a shower today i came across something from my past that i hid so well from everyone else, that i forgot about it myself. this is truly an interesting timer for me to be doing a fifth step. moving into a new house and raising the level of my commitment to my current relationship at the tail end of the year long process that my fourth and fifth steps had become is evidence of some force working in my life. that force seems to be changing me through the process of recovery, and through the will of the very same fellowship that has given me the tools to reach this point in my life.
once again the time has come to allow those who have guided me through the process as well as those who are just starting to discover recovery, to reach me again. after all the only difference between me and all of them is the number of minutes from my last use. everything else really does not matter, and just for today i will work on letting that other stuff go!
sorry about the choppiness of the intro and title. i have reached the point in my recovery where i no longer look at my disease as some sort of alien condition imposed upon me by a piece of whimsical fate. i am certain today that what we collectively call the disease of addiction is a part of me, intrinsic in every way to me and as a consequence i am uncomfortable treating that part of me as some sort of separate entity. that makes me in no way unique, just because i choose to view myself in a different manner than some other members of my fellowship in no way implies that i am better or even different from them in any way, no matter how much distance that part of me wants to put between myself and others.
this is an excellent reminder for me, as i have found myself drifting away from the fellowship and finding more and more ways in which i am so fucking different. the actual truth is that i believe that the part of me i call my disease is trying to get me not to share my fourth step with my sponsor. while taking a shower today i came across something from my past that i hid so well from everyone else, that i forgot about it myself. this is truly an interesting timer for me to be doing a fifth step. moving into a new house and raising the level of my commitment to my current relationship at the tail end of the year long process that my fourth and fifth steps had become is evidence of some force working in my life. that force seems to be changing me through the process of recovery, and through the will of the very same fellowship that has given me the tools to reach this point in my life.
once again the time has come to allow those who have guided me through the process as well as those who are just starting to discover recovery, to reach me again. after all the only difference between me and all of them is the number of minutes from my last use. everything else really does not matter, and just for today i will work on letting that other stuff go!
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
↔ diversity ↔ 215 words ➥ Thursday, February 3, 2005 by: donnot∞ difference equals opportunity ∞ 315 words ➥ Friday, February 3, 2006 by: donnot
Δ i thought that if it was different, it was bad. in recovery, we can not afford such attitudes. δ 424 words ➥ Sunday, February 3, 2008 by: donnot
∞ addiction closed my mind to anything new or different. in recovery, i cannot afford such an attitude. ∞ 438 words ➥ Tuesday, February 3, 2009 by: donnot
ª recovery is not easy, the strength i need comes from my fellow members ª 498 words ➥ Wednesday, February 3, 2010 by: donnot
§ anyone may join, regardless of... § 582 words ➥ Thursday, February 3, 2011 by: donnot
‡ i must open my mind to experience that works, no matter where it comes from ‡ 440 words ➥ Friday, February 3, 2012 by: donnot
♦ i need every bit of experience, ♦ 643 words ➥ Sunday, February 3, 2013 by: donnot
∀ it has become obvious to me, that the members of this fellowship ∀ 503 words ➥ Monday, February 3, 2014 by: donnot
§ i came to the fellowship because § 495 words ➥ Tuesday, February 3, 2015 by: donnot
☾ i need ☽ 778 words ➥ Wednesday, February 3, 2016 by: donnot
⇝ meeting the ⇜ 802 words ➥ Friday, February 3, 2017 by: donnot
😖 nothing of value 🤔 675 words ➥ Saturday, February 3, 2018 by: donnot
🌜 nothing of value 🌛 580 words ➥ Sunday, February 3, 2019 by: donnot
🌬 my very best thinking, 🌬 455 words ➥ Monday, February 3, 2020 by: donnot
🏜 regardless of 🏝 570 words ➥ Wednesday, February 3, 2021 by: donnot
🌊 different circumstances 🌊 414 words ➥ Thursday, February 3, 2022 by: donnot
😱 if it was 😶 395 words ➥ Friday, February 3, 2023 by: donnot
🤕 accepting my 🤕 458 words ➥ Saturday, February 3, 2024 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 1
1) When we renounce learning we have no troubles.
The (ready) 'yes,' and (flattering) 'yea;'--
Small is the difference they display.
But mark their issues, good and ill;--
What space the gulf between shall fill? What all men fear is indeed
to be feared; but how wide and without end is the range of questions
(asking to be discussed)!