ฮผ regardless of my personal background, i have two things in common with everyone in this fellowship that i share with no one else: ฮผ
Posted: Sat, Feb 3, 2007 08:18:24 AM
the part of me i call my disease, and my recovery.
sorry about the choppiness of the intro and title. i have reached the point in my recovery where i no longer look at my disease as some sort of alien condition imposed upon me by a piece of whimsical fate. i am certain today that what we collectively call the disease of addiction is a part of me, intrinsic in every way to me and as a consequence i am uncomfortable treating that part of me as some sort of separate entity. that makes me in no way unique, just because i choose to view myself in a different manner than some other members of my fellowship in no way implies that i am better or even different from them in any way, no matter how much distance that part of me wants to put between myself and others.
this is an excellent reminder for me, as i have found myself drifting away from the fellowship and finding more and more ways in which i am so fucking different. the actual truth is that i believe that the part of me i call my disease is trying to get me not to share my fourth step with my sponsor. while taking a shower today i came across something from my past that i hid so well from everyone else, that i forgot about it myself. this is truly an interesting timer for me to be doing a fifth step. moving into a new house and raising the level of my commitment to my current relationship at the tail end of the year long process that my fourth and fifth steps had become is evidence of some force working in my life. that force seems to be changing me through the process of recovery, and through the will of the very same fellowship that has given me the tools to reach this point in my life.
once again the time has come to allow those who have guided me through the process as well as those who are just starting to discover recovery, to reach me again. after all the only difference between me and all of them is the number of minutes from my last use. everything else really does not matter, and just for today i will work on letting that other stuff go!
sorry about the choppiness of the intro and title. i have reached the point in my recovery where i no longer look at my disease as some sort of alien condition imposed upon me by a piece of whimsical fate. i am certain today that what we collectively call the disease of addiction is a part of me, intrinsic in every way to me and as a consequence i am uncomfortable treating that part of me as some sort of separate entity. that makes me in no way unique, just because i choose to view myself in a different manner than some other members of my fellowship in no way implies that i am better or even different from them in any way, no matter how much distance that part of me wants to put between myself and others.
this is an excellent reminder for me, as i have found myself drifting away from the fellowship and finding more and more ways in which i am so fucking different. the actual truth is that i believe that the part of me i call my disease is trying to get me not to share my fourth step with my sponsor. while taking a shower today i came across something from my past that i hid so well from everyone else, that i forgot about it myself. this is truly an interesting timer for me to be doing a fifth step. moving into a new house and raising the level of my commitment to my current relationship at the tail end of the year long process that my fourth and fifth steps had become is evidence of some force working in my life. that force seems to be changing me through the process of recovery, and through the will of the very same fellowship that has given me the tools to reach this point in my life.
once again the time has come to allow those who have guided me through the process as well as those who are just starting to discover recovery, to reach me again. after all the only difference between me and all of them is the number of minutes from my last use. everything else really does not matter, and just for today i will work on letting that other stuff go!
∞ DT ∞