Blog entry for:

my step work, my living problems, etc, it is my job to make a call to my sponsor. as i sit here this morning, i am struck about a period of time yesterday when i was quite blue. one might even say i was depressed, or not. whatever was happening, i did not want to do anything but sit and veg and that is exactly what i did. it probably would have been a good idea to give my sponsor a call, but i was not feeling like using, i did not feel like acting out, in fact all i wanted to do was nothing at all. so as i did nothing, an amazing thing happened, the feeling, whatever it was, passed, and i went on to have a very enjoyable time at the super bowl party i attended.
what would have my sponsor said, had i called him to report what i was feeling? i do not know, WHAT i would have told one of the men i sponsored had they called with a similar event in their life, wold be to hang in there and have FAITH that this too shall pass.
part of what may have been going on, is the actual move into reality of the decision i have started to implement. it does mean some things that i have done for years will no longer be a part of my life, and it does mean that i will have to find some other activities to fill my life. that is a good thing, and it is scary at the same time. what if i am so one-dimensional that there is nothing else for me. the fear that i am doing something wrong, is almost overwhelming at times, but there is a very large piece of me, who feels that this is certainly the direction take. if after some time, i feel the need to return, i certainly can do so, as it is not my intention to burn anything down as i depart.
anyhow, i am grateful for having a sponsor. i am grateful that i can call him when things are tough, and even when i just want to say hello and check-in. this afternoon will probably be a good time to exactly that. so once again i am trapped by the snow, in my basement, so i do believe i will go take care of my physical needs and see where this day takes me. it is after all a good day to be in active recovery.

∞ DT ∞