Blog entry for:

who is willing to build a special, supportive, one-on-one relationship with me.
so after reading this entry, and after breaking through the mountain of snow that the wind created for me last night, i decided to sit and give my sponse a call. no fires for him to put out, no pending appointments, and best of all no nuts rambling from me, just a call to let him know i was alright and to see how he was doing. my intent was to just leave a message as i was certain hew was busy this morning dealing with the winter storm fallout. much to my surprise i actually got to speak with him for a few minutes and all is well.
where this is heading is that there are two parts of every relationship. it is up to me, tom accept the willingness of my sponsor to form this relationship and grow some willingness of my own to reciprocate, by actually letting him know what is going on with me, even when there is nothing at all going on. for the longest time, i was so self-centered that i thought relationships were all about them giving me everything i wanted and taking it as greedily and with as much gusto as possible. much to my surprise there are actually people in the world who find such relationships as attractive as i once did, and i very rarely lacked willing participants in these twisted affairs. my relationship with my very first sponsor, was my first step away from that peculiar manner of relating to others. he taught me, that my recovery was my responsibility not his. that when i called it was up to me, to say what was going on, and not his job to drag it out of me one syllable at a time. most importantly, IF i WANTED what he was offering, it was up to me to take it, as he would not force-feed me, or shove recovery down my throat.
well two sponsors and numerous days later, i am sitting here, watching the snowstorm wind down, musing about the relationships i have developed over time. how i participate in relationships today springs directly from those early days when i was unwilling to be a part of the fellowship, but willing enough to take a bit of direction, just so i would not use in that 24 hour slice of time. doing the gig, my best not to use, started the process of change, and unconsciously i started to emulate the relationships of those members who were here when i got here. i actually behaved my way into better thinking.
well i guess i need to get into the shower and get my day really rolling. i am grateful for all that the men who sponsored me have given me. i am who i am today, because they took the time to guide me through this maze of recovery and patiently allowed me to change. my only hope is that i can do the same for the men i sponsor, at least right here and right now.

∞ DT ∞