◊ it is up to me to reach out and ask for help ◊
Posted: Sat, Feb 8, 2014 08:53:49 AM
i know the reading was about reaching out to my sponsor, and although i am way overdue for making that call, that is not what i heard this morning, when i listened quietly to what was going on inside of me. what i heard instead was all about HOW i could be supportive of the men who choose to call me their sponsor.
there has been all sorts of chaos going on lately, swirling around me, and touching many of the men, who i sponsor. using addicts, being forced into situations they believed they were ill-equipped to handle, facing the results of the progression of life on life's terms and getting caught up in the drama and trauma of calling out other members who were being less than honest and open about what they were doing. the amazing fact is that none of this is my stuff, cheating, using, self-victimization, this litany of chaos swirling around me, is just that NOT MY STUFF!
me, i finally got the word that i am wanted at work, that i have a position and i am excited about learning a new technology to add to my growing repertoire of skills. i have two new side jobs, that may be kicking off this weekend and i am so looking forward to running away to Mexico for a week off the grid.
today, however, is not the day i GET to take off and do very little, although it just may end up that way, as i am totally fVcking lazy this morning. i have some commitments on my time and a a celebration to attend this evening and still as i sit here, i wonder what else will end-up on my plate before this day is done. perhaps, even a call to my sponsor to tell him that i love him and i am doing okay, yes i am even fvcking serene for a second day in a row. all of that is subject to change, my serenity however, is not contingent on the chaos or lack of acceptance anyone else in my life, happens to be involved in. as i sit here, thinking way too much about what i want to write, without calling out some little cheating, lying sh!t for being just that, know that i can also let that go. no, not the feelings, i am pissed and disappointed BUT how i react to those feelings. it is not up to me, to ride on a high horse and rescue someone else from the consequences of their misbehavior. it is not up to me, to tell someone that it sucks that they cannot shift the blame the responsibility to do the next right thing on to someone else. what is up to me, is as this day progresses to help those who ask, to work through the crap that life has put on their plate. not that they have to enjoy it, but they do need to deal with it. if i get that chance today, i will do my bestest to be there and provide the support that they need, just as i would want my sponse to do the next time i have to eat a sh!t sandwich of life on life's terms. it is a great day to PRACTICE a spiritual prinicple or two.
there has been all sorts of chaos going on lately, swirling around me, and touching many of the men, who i sponsor. using addicts, being forced into situations they believed they were ill-equipped to handle, facing the results of the progression of life on life's terms and getting caught up in the drama and trauma of calling out other members who were being less than honest and open about what they were doing. the amazing fact is that none of this is my stuff, cheating, using, self-victimization, this litany of chaos swirling around me, is just that NOT MY STUFF!
me, i finally got the word that i am wanted at work, that i have a position and i am excited about learning a new technology to add to my growing repertoire of skills. i have two new side jobs, that may be kicking off this weekend and i am so looking forward to running away to Mexico for a week off the grid.
today, however, is not the day i GET to take off and do very little, although it just may end up that way, as i am totally fVcking lazy this morning. i have some commitments on my time and a a celebration to attend this evening and still as i sit here, i wonder what else will end-up on my plate before this day is done. perhaps, even a call to my sponsor to tell him that i love him and i am doing okay, yes i am even fvcking serene for a second day in a row. all of that is subject to change, my serenity however, is not contingent on the chaos or lack of acceptance anyone else in my life, happens to be involved in. as i sit here, thinking way too much about what i want to write, without calling out some little cheating, lying sh!t for being just that, know that i can also let that go. no, not the feelings, i am pissed and disappointed BUT how i react to those feelings. it is not up to me, to ride on a high horse and rescue someone else from the consequences of their misbehavior. it is not up to me, to tell someone that it sucks that they cannot shift the blame the responsibility to do the next right thing on to someone else. what is up to me, is as this day progresses to help those who ask, to work through the crap that life has put on their plate. not that they have to enjoy it, but they do need to deal with it. if i get that chance today, i will do my bestest to be there and provide the support that they need, just as i would want my sponse to do the next time i have to eat a sh!t sandwich of life on life's terms. it is a great day to PRACTICE a spiritual prinicple or two.
∞ DT ∞