∫ my sponsor cannot read minds, ∫
Posted: Fri, Feb 8, 2013 08:34:04 AM
it is up to me to reach out and ask for help! well more than likely i will call my sponsor today, but right now, i have a whole different topic on my mind, so without any further delay i will jump into it.
working with those of the other 85%, sometimes is difficult. i know i can be abrasive and controlling, lately however, when dealing with one person in particular of that persuasion, i am continually less than spiritual. in fact, i have come to accept that no matter what i will move forward and allow myself to get the work done i need to get done and let them be. with or without their input i will move forward. the lesson i am learning, is that my character defects are mirrored by members of the other 85% as well as my friends and peers in recovery. since i take great pains, on most days, to post something here, it does not amaze me, that it can be found. i do not hide who and what i am, and i understand what the internet is, a public, very public information conduit. ironically, someone took the two point two seconds to fin this and tried to stab me in my back. whether or not they come back and see that they were outed or not is irrelevant, what is relevant is that i am quite content to continue to do what i have been doing and being myself, or at least as much as i can without outing anyone else, and publicly post this daily brain dump. the fact that they found this and actually figured out a bit about me, warms the cockles of my heart. there is no fear today, and as i was doing my daily inventory last night, i finally found acceptance over a whole bunch of things. no matter how hard i try to please, i can never be perfect, behave perfectly or <GASP> be able to be everything for every one.
this morning as i ride the bus over to Boulder, i have a sense of purpose and i clearly see what i need to do, where i need to go and where i have been. had i been present for the clues, i would have realized what is passed off for artistic temperament can actually be seen as arrogance and perfectionism. my task over the weekend is to finish what i have, present it to the person i have contracted to and walk far, far, away. to obsess over what someone else believes, is not part of that plan. to pretend i actually care anymore is not part of that plan either. i will limit my interaction with them and do what i was paid to do, and when nothing works, well i will take care of that as well, owning my part in this whole fiasco. it is a good day to be clean and yes, today, legal or not, i have no desire to pick-up anything to change my feelings, i accept who i am and what i have to do today, i am after all a professional, it is time to act professionally.
working with those of the other 85%, sometimes is difficult. i know i can be abrasive and controlling, lately however, when dealing with one person in particular of that persuasion, i am continually less than spiritual. in fact, i have come to accept that no matter what i will move forward and allow myself to get the work done i need to get done and let them be. with or without their input i will move forward. the lesson i am learning, is that my character defects are mirrored by members of the other 85% as well as my friends and peers in recovery. since i take great pains, on most days, to post something here, it does not amaze me, that it can be found. i do not hide who and what i am, and i understand what the internet is, a public, very public information conduit. ironically, someone took the two point two seconds to fin this and tried to stab me in my back. whether or not they come back and see that they were outed or not is irrelevant, what is relevant is that i am quite content to continue to do what i have been doing and being myself, or at least as much as i can without outing anyone else, and publicly post this daily brain dump. the fact that they found this and actually figured out a bit about me, warms the cockles of my heart. there is no fear today, and as i was doing my daily inventory last night, i finally found acceptance over a whole bunch of things. no matter how hard i try to please, i can never be perfect, behave perfectly or <GASP> be able to be everything for every one.
this morning as i ride the bus over to Boulder, i have a sense of purpose and i clearly see what i need to do, where i need to go and where i have been. had i been present for the clues, i would have realized what is passed off for artistic temperament can actually be seen as arrogance and perfectionism. my task over the weekend is to finish what i have, present it to the person i have contracted to and walk far, far, away. to obsess over what someone else believes, is not part of that plan. to pretend i actually care anymore is not part of that plan either. i will limit my interaction with them and do what i was paid to do, and when nothing works, well i will take care of that as well, owning my part in this whole fiasco. it is a good day to be clean and yes, today, legal or not, i have no desire to pick-up anything to change my feelings, i accept who i am and what i have to do today, i am after all a professional, it is time to act professionally.
∞ DT ∞