Blog entry for:

continually amazes me with his stunning insight, but has been the keeper of my sh!t for quite some time.
i have to admit it, i have an authority complex and do not tale advice, direction or orders very well. i also am a loophole addict so i look for the wiggle room or even escape routes when i finally decide to take direction. hence i am far from the “ideal” sponsee, and my sponsorship style has become a reflection of that. yes, i know that it often angers the men i sponsor when i tell them in a very off-hand manner, that i am not going to use, if they continue to sit on their step work, act out or stop attending meetings. in fact, i have lost sponsees because they felt patronized by that statement. does that make me change my tactics? no, not by a mile, as it is the truth, plain and simple. it simply is what it is, and amazingly those that take offense realize in the long run what that statement really means, that i separate their sh!t from mine and trod my own path of recovery. time, is my most precious resource and i refuse to allow anyone to steal that from me. i respect all the men i sponsor, and whether or not that respect is mutual or we ever become friends, does not really matter in the long run. that was i treat my sponsees is reflective of the way i treat my sponsor.
i respect my sponsor, and although i often resist his direction, i end up taking it, after a bout of self-will run riot. i do not waste his time and i understand the quality of his recovery is not somehow magically bound to mine. i certainly lack in the “calling my sponsor” department, and yet somehow i stay clean, day after day, by following the practices he has instilled in me. on most days there just are not a whole lot of big things anymore. yes, perhaps i will give him a call this evening and see how he is doing and let him know that i am inching towards a place of readiness and willingness to start a brand new step cycle. it is a good day to be clean.
something that is on my mind, but i am not quite ready to write about is this burning question; is it discrimination if we only ban middle-aged, rich white men with very bad hair? after all that is only a small percentage of white people…

∞ DT ∞