Blog entry for:

not by a long shot, BUT there are days when i think i need to call Carlos and yet find a million and one excuses NOT to do so. perhaps today would be a good opportunity to do so, or not. i am not going to set myself up for failure today.,as i already have probably made a double payment to AAA for my annual membership.
yes, checking in with my sponsor is not something i do very often and yet i stay clean. part of that, is that i have lived clean for some time and in doing so learned how to live the steps, in one manner or another. this would be the prefect place to launch into a treatise on the nature of my peers' recovery and how i see their lives, but this morning, i am less tempted to go down that path. what i do know is that some of my peers have what i want, and some do not. when i scan through the rooms, where once i was filled with envy and pride, i am now feeling more secure in who i am. where once i had to “know” the latest and greatest dirt and chaos, i am willing to leave well enough alone. in fact, over the course of the past six months, i have mostly withdrawn form my local fellowship and may be just now starting to feel the consequences of glacial movement away. i am finding myself more balanced and certainly more serene, when i let go and watch from the distant sidelines, and yet i also know that is not a very “safe” course of action. what i am hearing today is that maybe a quick call top my sponse, will help me find a less extreme manner of dealing with this issue. on that note, i think i will wrap this up and head on out to make the donuts.

∞ DT ∞