Some memes

my insights and opinions to evolve as my recovery does. i t has been a very long and disappointing day for me, as my body said no way to hiking with my friends, which actually ending up being a good thing, as my dental appointment was much longer than i had planned for. i cancelled, rescheduled and cancelled a weekly meeting with one of the men who call me their sponsor. what i was not, was open-minded to the fact that my assumptions of how long something was going to take, turned out to be wrong and others had to alter their plans to fit my new reality. yes my crown is seated and may need to be adjusted. yes my knee is stiff but walking with my friend on concrete actually loosened it up. so if there is an overarching plan, perhaps today just fit right into it. i am not a believer in that, but maybe i can open my mind to that possibility, pending further investigation. i know many of my peers ascribe to that belief and i have often scoffed at the idea of a divinely written plan for my life and even after today, i really do not see myself moving into that spiritual path. i will however, listen to what they share about and be open-minded to how they view their lives in this chaotic and seemingly random world.
there were a whole lot notions and ideas i rejected when i first came to recovery, the divine plan was just one of them. that one is hardly relevant when one considers that i believed i was not an addict, did not have a drug problem and was only here to be abstinent for long enough to get out of the legal hot water in which i found myself. ironically, it was the exact nature of that jam, that led me to the doors and sat me in the rooms long enough for me to see that perhaps, i was wrong in who i was and what was the nature of my true problem. i have been out of the system for a quarter of a century and yet here i am, in recovery, living the sort of life i never dreamed i could live. i have a home, a loving spouse, friends who trust and men who continue to be my sponsees, even when i flake out, as i did today. i have a sense of self and i no longer feel the need to get approval from sources external to my being. i may not be whole, genuine and self-aware, quite yet, but i am certainly getting closer to that ideal. opening my mind to a new idea or two will not break me today and probably not tomorrow either. 🤭
today i know i am the best me i can be and pain and suffering and yes even a bit of flakiness, is just part of the whole package. life is not bad in my skin today, even after the challenging week i have had and i will move forward into the rest of this day, doing my best to see what i need to see, rationally evaluate the ideas with which i am presented and allow myself to put the ones that work, to work.

∞ DT ∞