Blog entry for:

"... life is a process and the 12 steps are the key..."

HMMMMMM!

not the way i generally think about things. i am really starting to think that there are whole chunks of the meditation that i have never read before. it is wonderful that i am getting a surprise or two in the daily readings and but it makes me wonder where my mind has been. i know that there are times when my recovery has been on auto pilot. you know, doing those daily things that keep clean but not really being present for what was going on, and this reading kind of drives that home for me.
honestly, i have not wanted to be a participant in the process over the past couple of weeks and have been doing what i need to automatically. i am a creature of habit and that trait has saved my ass more than once since i got clean, especially while i was exploring the first step this time. and i did a few things i never did before, i called an addict everyday who i knew would answer his phone and let him know what and how i was feeling. i changed the way i felt by writing on my step work assignment, and i stayed out of the chaos that was spinning around me. so in retrospect, i was participating in the process.
this morning i am hopeful and grateful about the process and the ’keys.’ is anything really different from yesterday? not really! the chaos is still present, i am still working at the same job, struggling to get ahead, and i still have FEAR, UNCERTAINTY and DOUBT about what the future will bring, BUT, i have shared my first step and moved into the second and now i have the chance to explore what i can be hopeful for.
what i guess this ramble has been all about is that for me i am a willing participant in my life today and will use the steps to scrape off the next layer to become the person i was meant to be.
∞ DT ∞