Blog entry for:

will no longer be tolerated by either society or the addict themselves. with apologies to Jimmy K for taking out the gender specific language. not that, that is important to me, i do feel however that since it is MEN and WOMEN who are recovering today, i can make an accommodation or two when it comes to my personal space. BE WARNED! i am of the very strong opinion that those who alter the readings and what is written in the literature are so entirely wrong and i am often angry enough to rip off their head and stuff the piece of literature they have the gall to alter, down their open bleeding necks.
well wasn't that ever so special, i guess having to admit that i could not run 13 miles this morning has put me into some sort of state. i DID however cover the distance and i DID learn that a half marathon is not a 10K and everything i know about running needs to be revised IF i am going to try and move into distance running. i do have a GOAL however, and that is to run that entire LOOP, no cheats or short-cutting by next summer, which means 14 miles!
all of this is interesting and revealing, it does not go to the topic at hand, namely i do recover. and i guess, if i look at the whole picture it is germane. after all, there would have been no way that i would have attempted a 14 mile run back in the day, and failing to complete it, would have left me spinning webs, yarns and outright lies, so in the end i could look like i COULD have dome if only…
anyhow, i had lots of time to think as i walked the back half, and when i was no concentrating on surviving i really had no thoughts at all, so i arrive in front of keyboard with little or no additional processing of the reading this morning. to me, what i think is being said, is that WHEN i take personal responsibility to FOSTER the growth of my recovery, i recover and continue to recover on a daily basis. no longer does society or these in my life need to fear that all of a sudden i will do something so outrageous that it may injure them or others, unless of course, you happen to be one of those who think you know better than the group conscience of the fellowship when it comes to our literature. that is another digression, so back on topic. ye it is truer the longer i stay clean the less i seem to know, and that is a good thing, as it means i am becoming more teachable and gathering the information i NEED to stay clean from a variety of sources. yes it is true, that there are time where what goes on inside my head, is far from sane, serene, or spiritual, which is also a good thing, as it shows to me, how much i need this fellowship. it is also quite true that the obsession to use has been lifted from me and that state of being has become my norm, and that is part of what i mean when i say i DO RECOVER. without the desire to sue, coloring my every thought, i can actually work on the parts of me that need to be changed so that state of being never again becomes active.
yes i am indeed recovering, and i will continue to recover, at least in this slice of 24 hours. on that note i think i will hobble off to the next thing i need to get done today, before the darkness of nap time descends upon me, after all that too is part of my recovery process, learning to nap when i need to.

∞ DT ∞