โต the longer i am clean, โต
Posted: Wed, Jul 9, 2014 07:50:04 AM
the less i know about anything. for me, there is absolutely no false humility or minimization of my recovery journey in that statement. the truth is, when i walked into the rooms, i was certain i knew everything. it took time, step work and learning to be honest, willing and open-minded enough to have that attitude disappear. i also know why feedback and cross-talk is so strongly discouraged in our meetings, but that is a private conversation with another addict that needs a bit of a beat down, because they apparently know everything. i will say this, providing unsolicited feedback in a meeting, is a form of disrespectful, public humiliation.
so how is it that i can honestly say i know less about everything, than when i walked into the rooms? starting at the top of the stack, today, i am teachable, for the most part and yes that statement needs a bit of qualification that does not diminish what it is i am going to say. where was i, oh yeah, teachable. what i have discovered in my recovery journey is that the more i learn, the more spiritual awakenings i have, the deeper i dig, the more i discover what there is to learn. the deeper i get in to the recovery process the more i see, that what i thought i knew, was actually smoke and mirrors i devised to hide what was actually going on. as those illusions are stripped, i see the mass of knowledge i have yet to accumulate before me, and it can appear daunting and overwhelming. hence the truthful and humble statement: “the longer i stay clearance, the less i know about anything.”
there are certainly other clues to how much i do not know, and it has been said that true wisdom is the result of knowing what it is that you do not know. i would love to say, that makes me wise, but where does pride in my accomplishments switch over to boastful conceit? where does my desire to serve my peers in the fellowship flip over to manipulative self-will? where does being honest about my shortcomings and defects of character become false humility and minimization of what i have accomplished.? the litany of those sort of questions can go on and on, however i will spare you the pain of going through that list. as is evident, greater knowledge leads to more paths to travel down and an accumulation of stuff i do NOT know. which lends a bit more credibility to the statement that started this whole process off.
anyhow, i need to get rolling towards my gainful employment today, so i will end with this thought, when i think i know what is best for you, i am more than likely missing something i need to see in myself.
so how is it that i can honestly say i know less about everything, than when i walked into the rooms? starting at the top of the stack, today, i am teachable, for the most part and yes that statement needs a bit of qualification that does not diminish what it is i am going to say. where was i, oh yeah, teachable. what i have discovered in my recovery journey is that the more i learn, the more spiritual awakenings i have, the deeper i dig, the more i discover what there is to learn. the deeper i get in to the recovery process the more i see, that what i thought i knew, was actually smoke and mirrors i devised to hide what was actually going on. as those illusions are stripped, i see the mass of knowledge i have yet to accumulate before me, and it can appear daunting and overwhelming. hence the truthful and humble statement: “the longer i stay clearance, the less i know about anything.”
there are certainly other clues to how much i do not know, and it has been said that true wisdom is the result of knowing what it is that you do not know. i would love to say, that makes me wise, but where does pride in my accomplishments switch over to boastful conceit? where does my desire to serve my peers in the fellowship flip over to manipulative self-will? where does being honest about my shortcomings and defects of character become false humility and minimization of what i have accomplished.? the litany of those sort of questions can go on and on, however i will spare you the pain of going through that list. as is evident, greater knowledge leads to more paths to travel down and an accumulation of stuff i do NOT know. which lends a bit more credibility to the statement that started this whole process off.
anyhow, i need to get rolling towards my gainful employment today, so i will end with this thought, when i think i know what is best for you, i am more than likely missing something i need to see in myself.
∞ DT ∞