Blog entry for:

the changes that have been manifest in my life, since i accepted this manner of living, is something i struggle with, from time to time. living as i did, in the dark corners of what i was, never accepting i was good enough and walking a path of deception, it is hard for me to accept that i have changed at all. in fact, what i see is what i cannot or will not accomplish as the reality of my life, instead of looking at my sucesses. i tell myself that is just the cynic within and i will “always” be that way, so i might as well go with the flow and just be that sort of “negative nellie” type of person, especially when i look at myself.
this morning, what came screaming up from the depths was resistence to beliveing wht i once accepted as the “TRUTH.” it is true that i have been a self-absorbed shit from time to time on vacation, BUT that does not meaan that i AM a self-absorbed shit. it would be so easy to slide into a pit of self-deprecation. the reading and what i heard this morning is a foil against that sort of behavior, i may not be perfect, but i am recovering and doing a helluva lot better than i might be, because i know how to live a program of recovery and have the desire to do so.

∞ DT ∞