Blog entry for:

for the miracle of my recovery myself. but i do an equal injustice -- to myself and to those i share with -- when i do not acknowledge the magnitude of this miracle. so i was all prepared to rip another a new a$$hole, using this reading as my spiritual sword, and although it would make me feel great to tell this person what an arrogant, disease riddled individual they are, in a moment of clarity i decided to let it go. it is what it is, and i am in recovery. part of the miracle for me anyhow, is that i can let go of slights and being disrespected, real or imagined. however a bit of qualification is required now. i did stew on the contents of the e-mail i received this morning, in fact, i gave that person so much power that i was a minute slower on my workout than two days ago. so what did i get? well i went through the motions, and i got my pulse up to where it should have been, so physically there was no harm to allowing this person to be a higher power for the 30 minutes or so of my wog. spiritually and emotionally what i did not get was the serenity that comes from clearing my mind and being in touch with my exercise routine. i see it as generally an extra thirty minutes or so of meditation, and i allowed myself to be swept up in my indignation and plotting my revenge. mentally, i lost the moments when my mind comes back from wherever to plan my work for the day. and emotionally, i left pissed off and came back even more pissed off.
so where was the miracle of my recovery this morning? well, it started before i got that particular missive, and it started again when i decided that just an acknowledgment of information received was all the response i needed. then i got to write about my process here. as i dump my crap, however veiled, what i feel right now is relief. i need not carry the weight of my perceived slings and arrows with me through this day, i can and have re-entered recovery after letting the part of me i call my addict take over and rob me of the rewards i get from my workout. learning to let go and most importantly learning how to apply it, are part of the miracle of recovery. allowing a person, place or thing to take control of me and guide my entire being is part of active addiction. both are still part of the person i call Don, but the miracle of recovery is more active than the degradation of addiction, at least in my life today. i know who and what i am, and am quite satisfied being just another addict in recovery.
what is there left to do? well, before i jump back into the real world, i need to take a moment, refocus on the program of recovery and the tools i have, and see if i can once again get to where i need to get to, so i can deal with the real world today. good thing i got up early this morning!

∞ DT ∞