Blog entry for:

avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future. one of those mistakes, that i have been repeating lately, is believing that somehow i am immune from having to do my step work. well that changed last night, i did my reading and am going to start writing a little bit today. so although my “house” was and is far from burning down, it certainly needs more than a bit of care and concern to set it right again. today i get that and today i am willing to do what it takes to do so, set my house in order as it were.
as i write this, so very early on this Sunday morning, i am struck about what lengths i will go for the recovery of someone else, and what i do to avoid investing a similar amount of time, money and energy in my own. i am up early, because i making my monthly journey down to Cañon City, to my sponsee, who has not been to a meeting in the fellowship. there are times when i consider who he was, and wonder if i am really doing anything to help him change into someone that can live and prosper in society, without reverting to the ways and means that got him where he is today. i mean, quite honestly, i have a sponsee who is currently out and about, doing who knows what, that i also invested in, and another who is about to go to prison for not more than 11 years. one might argue, that perhaps the problem is not with them, as i am the common denominator in all of these relationships, so perhaps it is me, and not them that needs to be looked at. that leads to a few possibilities. it could be that men who are too broken to recover choose me to sponsor them. it could be that i am too broken to properly sponsor these men, and it will always end up the same. or maybe, just maybe, it is what it is, not my fault nor theirs, it is the consequences of not setting our collective houses in order.
i cannot speak to their part, but i certainly can speak to mine. when i avoid doing my step work, i act-out in ways that are unacceptable, one of which is to focus my attention and effort on fixing other people. another is to roar through life like a blizzard, coating everything and everyone with a heavy coat of wet bullsh!t. either way, that is the symptom and not the cause. when i catch myself in either of those scenarios, i end up using the corrective part of STEP 10, which for the first time in weeks has ceased to be necessary over the past few days, because i KNOW what i need to do -- continue the process i started last night, and oh yeah, head on down south to see who i need to see. it is a good morning to be one the raod and IF i get to watch football this afternoon that will be a bonus.so off to thee showers and into the miles to go before i sleep.

∞ DT ∞