Blog entry for:

and how do i determine IF it needs to be set in order? order is an interesting concept and for me, i often look at order and chaos as opposites, where one defines the other. order therefore is what fills the space as chaos gets reduced and vise versa. the reading this morning seems to support this interpretation and on that note i can move along.
balance in all things, the yin and yang of life, is certainly an idea io am fond of expressing and lately as i move through this amends to myself, i am wondering what will replace the FEAR that has always been part of my program. yes, i have a healthy respect for relapse but i do not FEAR that it is lurking around every corner, ready to jump me and take me out without any warning. i do not fear the legal system, the federal government or the banking cartel any longer, as i have cleaned up and am continuing to clean up all the messes i made in those respective arenas. as i shared last night and have been sharing the past few days, i am not quite sure what will replace the ever present FEAR, i have felt, since the first day i walked into the rooms, seven months before i got clean. there is not such a neat and tidy definition such as ORDER being the absence of CHAOS. i can certainly say, that i feel more HOPE, these days, as i walk forward into the real world. current events are enough to scare the pants off of me, but here i have FAITH that ORDER will once again replace the CHAOS created during the past few election cycles. a the old and crusty ideologues lose their mandates, the ORDER of what is true, will emerge and i doubt that has been revealed to anyone, yet. so i guess i can say that HOPE is what is filling the void, as FEAR departs, and being a cynic, it is very difficult to accept that i could even be a HOPEFUL sort of person, just does not make sense. i certainly have a whole lot more FAITH these days, FAITH that i am on the correct path and that there is still more to be revealed for me and my life. so maybe the large void left as i FEAR less, is being filled with FAITH and HOPE, which still presents and issue or two for the cynic within.
ah,, i could go round and round this cycle, over and over again and still find no better answer than i already have. what i believe i will do instead, is take a shower and slide on down to work. i will keep doing what is working for me, living and active program of recovery and allow whatever needs to, to fill the space once occupied by overwhelming FEAR, just for today.

∞ DT ∞