โ house cleaning โ
Posted: Sun, Oct 9, 2005 11:00:51 AM
sitting here on this rainy morning contemplating the meaning of my existence, while waiting fro a back-up to complete, i do not know quite what to say.
of course i could into how awful i was in active addiction about recognizing my part in the problems of my life. but, you all know about that already. if you were like me, you were almost oblivious to the damage you were causing.
then i could go into how much better i am at it today, but once again if you are like me you know that the steps provide the means to the ends of living a better life.
so either way i am preaching to the choir.
so what that leaves me is how i am cleaning my internal house today! i wish i could say that i was diligently working on a step-writing assignment. i do have one but i have not written in over a month. something, be it laziness, fear or apathy is preventing me from having the desire to write. i do know that i am not in a whole lot of internal turmoil, so do not have that driving me to write. i also know that the chaos i am currently involved in is at a minimum, which is a good thing. so the external and internal forces that drive me to write steps are not bearing any pressure right now.
it is also the first time in my recovery where i am actually practicing steps ten, eleven and twelve on a regular basis, so a whole lot of stuff is getting take care of on a nearly daily basis.
so where does this leave me? actually fairly well-off spiritually and emotionally. and without the desire to move forward on the step work in front of me. perhaps i will feel differently after posting this but it will be what it will be and i am satisfied with that for right now!
:) DT :)
of course i could into how awful i was in active addiction about recognizing my part in the problems of my life. but, you all know about that already. if you were like me, you were almost oblivious to the damage you were causing.
then i could go into how much better i am at it today, but once again if you are like me you know that the steps provide the means to the ends of living a better life.
so either way i am preaching to the choir.
so what that leaves me is how i am cleaning my internal house today! i wish i could say that i was diligently working on a step-writing assignment. i do have one but i have not written in over a month. something, be it laziness, fear or apathy is preventing me from having the desire to write. i do know that i am not in a whole lot of internal turmoil, so do not have that driving me to write. i also know that the chaos i am currently involved in is at a minimum, which is a good thing. so the external and internal forces that drive me to write steps are not bearing any pressure right now.
it is also the first time in my recovery where i am actually practicing steps ten, eleven and twelve on a regular basis, so a whole lot of stuff is getting take care of on a nearly daily basis.
so where does this leave me? actually fairly well-off spiritually and emotionally. and without the desire to move forward on the step work in front of me. perhaps i will feel differently after posting this but it will be what it will be and i am satisfied with that for right now!
:) DT :)