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i can take my own inventory to find out what my part in the problem has been. setting my house in order and keeping it in order, are really two separate topics, that the reading seems to glom together, for some unknown reason. although the actions, in both of those are quite similar, they certainly are different results.
when i came to recovery, it is quite true, that my house was not in any sort of order, honestly this is one of those borrowed, pilfered, and stolen bromides that i find irksome and tiresome. honestly my house was just fine, it was my life and the way i lived it that needed to be set in order. too many concepts are sugar-coated with meaningless drivel in this day and age, and for me, the time to be politically correct, by playing nice-nice with words has passed.
enough already, time to move on from my tirade about language. so yes my life was a mess, the people i had left in it, mostly would have rather that i left them alone and went on my merry way. i was self-centered, always right and let the world know, quite forcefully about what i was entitled to from them. behaviors similar top a friend and sponsee who is suffering the consequences of not being able to live within the constraints he himself imposed upon him. yes, you were all about serving me, and you had better make quick! as a result, i had my a$$ in a sling, and was not quite sure what to do next. so i immersed myself in the wrong fellowship, worked the wrong set of steps, but generally took care of the messes in my life, focusing on some of the big sh!t i had swept under the carpet for years on end, purposefully ignoring what the real problem was, after all, if i ever owned that i was really an addict, instead of having a problem with a drug or two, i was sunk. yes, i stayed clean, made amends and generally did <GASP> set my house in order. my intention was to figure out how to use socially and i was already seeing that others in that fellowship had learned how to do so. all i had to do was focus on substances and one in particular and everything would be okay.
needless to say, that was how it was, but how it is today is quite different than what my plan was way back when. the life i have today IS because i finally arrived at the correct fellowship, worked the correct set of steps and generally finally got over my denial about what the problem was, addiction. even though i continue to work steps, setting my house in order, is a task that is no longer in front of me. my task is to keep my house in order by working STEPS 10 through 12 on a just for right now basis. the results is that when i formally work STEPS 4 through 9 there is very little left to clean-up from under the carpet and i can finally see the doors to those closets full of the garbage i piled in there way back when. today, i am grateful for the opportunity to take responsibility for my life and to be accountable, even when that means i have to promptly admit that i may have been wrong. (yes a nice-nice shading there) with that thought in mind, i think i will shower off, scrape the whiskers off my face and see if i can be a part of the solution for my employer as well. it is a good day to clean house.

∞ DT ∞