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then i gave, now i share. i was debating this morning, whether or not to use service to myself and my fellowship as my source material, or fall back on the old reliable topic of gratitude. i decided to go down the path of my evolution to participating in my fellowship, rather than attempting to find yet another new and refreshing take on being grateful. do not get me wrong, i am grateful for having a program of recovery that allows me the freedom to be a part of the world around me, even when it feels like it is all burning down. to any of my readers who happens to live in the Los Angeles metro region, my heart goes out to you, i know that thoughts and prayers do nothing to fight the raging fires and i hope that you are finding what you need to get through another tough day.
i said that this would be about my evolution and in a sense it certainly will be. i have written many times before that my recovery path consisted of eighteen months of mere abstinence, followed by a deep dive into the recovery program that i follow to this day. i have also written before that my early service efforts were all about looking good and being in the center ring of the circus that service is sometimes described as. i am currently in a phase where my service is quieter and certainly less visible, but nonetheless important and vital. all that i give these days, is sharing who i am, what i did and how it has worked for me. when i say i am not a “GOD” kind of guy, it does not mean i lack FAITH or a HIGHER POWER. when i fret and fume about what others have done to me and how they “owe” me something, i have stepped out of the path i ascribe to. the simple fact of the matter is that what they did, may have had consequences in the past, but holding on to their deeds, only keeps me sick and prevents me from sharing what i have, because i fear that i may say something that i need not say. when i walk into the room, i can be okay, quietly taking my seat and giving my peers the hugs and attention they deserve.
i am far from God's greatest gift to recovery or my local fellowship. i am however a decent person these days, who is willing to give away his recovery, so that someone else may find this path. it does not mean that i circle or star my number when i add it to a list for a newcomer, but i will certainly go up to them after a meeting and find out what they are all about and what i can give. i may not be the most socially adept person in the room, but i will not freeze someone out from talking to friend. part of serving myself and the fellowship that fosters my recovery, is learning to be forgiving, keeping my opinions to myself and only giving advice when i am asked to do so. i will however, be a force for recovery and unity, rather than division and dissent, because just for today, that is part of sharing, rather than taking.

∞ DT ∞