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not the personality of the messenger. do not shoot me i am only the messenger! generally i get a seat to myself on the bus but not today, so it goes i can whine and moan, which i just die, and move into acceptance.
every year when this reading comes around i get time to reflect on the nature of my character defects and how they manifest themselves into behaviors called shortcomings. on of them i seem to be overly fond of, is being a judgmental prick. in fact, just the other night, i had to recite my 7TH Step prayer, over and over again, after one of our eternal newcomers came back to the room and started to turn on the crocodile tears.
WHOOPS there i it goes again!
yes i get tired of hearing the same old story, or at last in my opinion, over and over again. moving into a pl;ace where i can give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe this time, it will be different. i know for me, if i do not change what i am doing and get out of my destructive and self-destructive behaviors, all i get is more and more misery. which brings me around to thinking about the men i sponsor. they are also messengers, and i often get confused about what message they are giving me. i get that sometimes it is more important to listen to what may sound like something i have heard them say in the past. when i am true to myself and not self-willing my life away, i get the fact that i need to practice being present and letting go of the judge, jury and executioner in my head.
i know that unholy trinity saved my life and saw me through many a sticky situation, back in the day. they may even have a task to do today, but most of the time, they just prevent me form seeing and hearing what i need to see and hear. what i am missing as a result, may be the very nugget of information that i NEED to save my life today, or it just be more of the lame excuses and rationalizations, i am unable to ascertain the difference when i have already set those furies free.
what i guess i am getting at is, that it is easier to dismiss the message when i have already dismiss the messenger for whatever reason. a spiritual as i like to think i am, i still have quite a ways to go, in this respect. even someone who cannot honestly accumulate more than 30 days in a row, has something to offer. it is up to me to listen, after all, part of my spiritual theory relies on hearing what i need to hear from those who are part of my life for however long they happen to be around.
as the bus speeds down the wet highway, in this winter dusting of frozen precipitation, i can rest assured that IF i let go, i can be a better man than i was yesterday, as long as i remember to behave my way into better thinking.

∞ DT ∞