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and messengers. so this morning i got in a flame war on FACEBOOK, because i posted that i came into the rooms as a result of being forced by the court system. i did not expect to get one started, but apparently i touched a nerve and the result was that my message was immediately flamed by a group admin. i am sure that part of the reason i posted in a group, that i almost never post in, was to get i rise out of someone i consider intolerant and judgmental, and i did. if she really is, i do not know, but as i walk away from my little exercise in sticking a pin in a pompous a$$ and watching the resulting ego-deflation, i see that i am really no better than they are, in fact, i could have walked away and now i am, oh well, i love to see examples of how i should behave.
the argument was about drug replacement therapy and court cards. their stance was that members of either populations have a place in the meetings of our fellowship. now i am a “purist” and do not disagree that often with that sort of line, BUT,in my opinion, how one gets to the rooms not important. what is important is what happens when one actually decides to stay. if way back when, someone had treated me any differently than someone who came into the rooms, because they were desperate, i am quite certain i would not be here today. i am clean because i GOT to be there, and i have a softy spot in my heart for those who like me, are only there to get there attendance verification slip signed.
this morning, what cam,e to me as i sat and listened, was not about having a flame war on FaceBook, feeding the trolls, or seeing what chaos i could create. no what i heard was how i had dismissed and diminished what i heard on Sunday, because of my opinion of who was sharing and what i believe to be the “quality” of their recovery. the fact is, i am no better than the stone thrower that started the flame war with me. the fact is, how do i really tell what the “quality” of anyone else's recovery really is? the reading was about putting aside my opinions and listening actively to what is being shared, in real-time. if i need to make a critical judgement, i can certainly do so, one the meeting is over and i have the time to put everything into context. i am far from a perfect example of the recovering addict, but the fact is i am recovering by practicing and active program of recovery in my life. when i find myself being put off or “in a mood” by what i hear shared, what i really need to look at, is what is going on within me. is it envy, because they are getting all the laughs? is it confusion, because i do not get what point they are trying to make? is it intolerance, because i have already pre-judged them to be less than me on one level or another? when i sit down and really look at my reactions to what has been shared, i actually discover it is not them at all.
moving ahead, the flame war is over, i am certain the troll believe she won, and me? well for me, i just walked away, ceased to fight, because it is not all that important to be right, politically correct or walk the party line. for me, i see their point and when one need to be adhere rigidly to what one perceives to be the rules, as i once did, one gets themselves into all sorts of twisted up positions. been there done that, thank HGOD for spiritual Ben Gay, because today i know when to walk away.

∞ DT ∞