Blog entry for:

because i have personality conflicts with the person speaking.
speaking of messages and messengers, yesterday i had an experience that is hard to define. i assumed the messenger said something to me because they had read my blog, in actuality there was a link established that is beyond my ability to rationalize and quantify, so this morning i just have to accept it is what it is and let it go.
so exactly what does that have to do with me putting aside whatever personality conflicts i may have with another member and listening to the message that is being shared?? well for one, it just shows me that i really do not have a clue what is going on in the world around me, much as i like to believe i do. i could say that my personality conflicts are a result of the part of me i call my disease working overtime, and while that may be true, all that is, is a lie i tell myself to minimize my part in the situation. after a bit of time clean, i can no longer claim that i am a victim of that part of me any longer. it is true that i am an addict and it is true that i still possess a character defect or ninety-seven, BUT i have been given a choice in the matter of my behaviors and the values i have come to accept. one of the greatest gifts that i have been given is the ability to make choices today. i choose not to use any drugs no matter what, and i can choose to dismiss a message just because i do not like or respect another member of our fellowship. it would be a great relief for me to say that this is a rare occurrence, however that would be a lie and does not further my recovery. the truth is that my personality and how i perceive and judge another member of the fellowship to which i belong is still very active in my life, albeit very diminished. thank GOD i have a sponsor, peers and closed-mouth friends, so that i can a bit of perspective on what is going on inside of me. so will i be shooting any messengers today? i certainly hope not BUT time will tell.

∞ DT ∞