🌈 H.old O.n, P.ain E.nds 🌈
Posted: Sun, Feb 23, 2025 12:01:23 PM
yes, those periods were on purpose, as the reading this morning was all about HOPE and what i heard was the various forms HOPE took across the course of my recovery. this morning as i complete my weekly chores and get the hell out of dodge, i can see that i am not feeling exactly as if i want to get out and conquer the world. in fact, what i feel like is slinking away into a corner, grabbing my book and locking myself away from all social interaction. i do not want to deal with my spouse who is all sorts of mad at me for not feeding her anger. she said she wants validation, but what she really desires piling on, been there done that, got the T-shirt. what i can do in the future, is give her acknowledgement and then move along through my day.
i stated that i feel like being asocial today, and that really is not quite true. i do feel like i need to get away from the computer, from the house from my responsibilities and just chill. it is Sunday and for the most part my day is complete. my last load of laundry is spin-drying, i got six miles and change, under my sneakers and other than agreeing to meet with one of the men who call me their sponsor, i have very little left on my plate. i may come back from the cigar store and do my taxes, or i may just play me silly new game. the HOPE, mine anyhow, is that i can slide through the rest of this day, with a minimum of angst, drama or being dragged down by others, hence the desire to isolate. my solution to counter that desire, is to grab my book, and head on out to the cigar lounge and be part of the crowd as i read our book club selection.
although it may not feel like a H.elping O.ther P.eople E.veryday, sort of day, i know that it the next correct thing to do. isolating from the world around me, ignoring my partner when she feels she need to be heard or diving into a place where i need not go, may all seem as if they are viable alternatives to being a part of the world around me. in reality, they are symptoms of me cratering to the part of me i call addiction and certainly not a health place for this addict to go. instead i will pull up my big boy pants, dust myself off, and live in the HOPE that i can respond better to the rest of what comes my way, just for today.
i stated that i feel like being asocial today, and that really is not quite true. i do feel like i need to get away from the computer, from the house from my responsibilities and just chill. it is Sunday and for the most part my day is complete. my last load of laundry is spin-drying, i got six miles and change, under my sneakers and other than agreeing to meet with one of the men who call me their sponsor, i have very little left on my plate. i may come back from the cigar store and do my taxes, or i may just play me silly new game. the HOPE, mine anyhow, is that i can slide through the rest of this day, with a minimum of angst, drama or being dragged down by others, hence the desire to isolate. my solution to counter that desire, is to grab my book, and head on out to the cigar lounge and be part of the crowd as i read our book club selection.
although it may not feel like a H.elping O.ther P.eople E.veryday, sort of day, i know that it the next correct thing to do. isolating from the world around me, ignoring my partner when she feels she need to be heard or diving into a place where i need not go, may all seem as if they are viable alternatives to being a part of the world around me. in reality, they are symptoms of me cratering to the part of me i call addiction and certainly not a health place for this addict to go. instead i will pull up my big boy pants, dust myself off, and live in the HOPE that i can respond better to the rest of what comes my way, just for today.
∞ DT ∞