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what certain people have to share, certainly is a recurring theme in my recovery. the question i need to focus on, is it the person who is sharing, or is it the content of what they choose to share, that is driving me to distraction. this topic used to be one i hated to think about. after all, i have been clean for a minute and have come to a pl;ace in my recovery where i DESIRE to hear how my peers are implementing a program in their own lives. some of my peers certainly do share for the newcomer, stating how much better their lives are, now that they have some recovery under their belts. others go on and on about how they “love” the program, but put very little evidence into the “why” they find it so. finally there are the “yippy-skippy” shares that are a collection of slogans, bumper stickers and trite tributes to the process itself. the issue i have, is once i here something on my litany of “sharing sins” i tend to tune out, when they start to share. placing my expectations ahead of any sort of message they may have.
i certainly go through phases and when i find myself reaching for my phone or counting the number of times they say “like” in what they share, i certainly am shooting the messenger, based on past experience and perhaps i end up missing something i NEED to augment my recovery today. at times i seem to have a memory like an elephant and cannot let go of what i heard a peer share about in the past, so shooting them is the easier, softer way, hands down beating trying to suss out a message from the fluff that surrounds it. laziness is great work, when i can get it. being intellectually lazy is not my style, and yet dismissing what one of my peers may be attempting to say, is certainly laziness to the nth degree.
what i take away from this little exercise this morning, is that for me anyhow, i have to let go of what i think a peer is going to say, and focus on what it is they ARE saying, even if it not up to my ever exacting standards. part of why i started to go to meetings outside of my home town, was i was not “getting” what i though i needed and certainly not what i wanted. running away does not fix that issue, all it does is give me a pile of new content to dissect, tear apart and judge as “sub-standard.” that is certainly the case, for this addict. if i want the kind of recovery that facilitates my personal growth, i am certain that looking at expectations and my personality is a great place to start, just for today.

∞ DT ∞