Blog entry for:

the messenger, especially those who i do not respect, used to be one of my favorite pastimes, even after a minute clean. after a bit of step work and the realization that i need not tear anyone else down to feel better about myself, that behavior has been minimized and for that i am grateful, even in my own head, when i hear the internal dialogue headed in that direction, i have the opportunity these days to say “WHOA Nellie., time to get off this horse!” that is not to say that i never, ever decimate a peer in my mind as they share. i do my best these days to listen and put my personal opinions about them their recovery and the manner in which they behave, aside when they are sharing. although i am loathe to say it, every now and again, i get a gem of recovery form those individuals that makes me grateful that i made the effort to listen.
as i “listened” this morning, the notion that bubbled up to the surface was the project i am currently starting for work. what i want to do and a plan to implement it step buy step kept disturbing my calm, and yet i persisted in my attempt to reach the void. my stubborn insistence to keep trying paid off, as i was able to let go of what i need to do later today and embrace what i needed to do in that moment, just sit quietly and feel my way forward. what i felt and feel now is that i can succeed at what i am trying to accomplish and get it pushed up by mid-day tomorrow. i have a plan, i have the skills and i have the almighty GOOGLE to fill in the gaps that i may encounter.
besides what i have to get done for work, i also kept hearing about what i need to accomplish outside of work: exercise, snow removal, making dawg food and running past my purveyor of espresso for my latest fix. all of those activities are part of what i want to do and as i see it right now, what i NEED to do. there are enough minutes in this day to get them all in and to fret about not having the time is not only useless and futile, but if i really peek at it, it is bordering on insanity.
as i come to the end of this little exercise, i did have to peek at where the idiom of don't shoot the messenger came from i will leave that to those who share my curiosity to click on the link provided. i was surprised about how long it has been in use, i was under the impression that it was perhaps a bit more modern. anyhow it is time for me to get out and about on this very frigid -9°F morning in late February, perhaps this is winter''s last gasp and we get the brunt of it. just for today, however, i am grat6eful to be clean, no matter what the temperature is outside.

∞ DT ∞